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Windows 7: Jokes Thread

04 Apr 2010   #791
noobvious

Win 7 Ultimate 64-bit SP1 (desktop)
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by starwolf1336 View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by harry5 View Post
Only a Farm Kid...
When you're from the country ~ you look at things a little differently...

A Montana rancher got in his pickup and drove to a neighboring ranch and knocked at the door. A young boy, about 9, opened the door "Is your Dad home?" the rancher asked.
"No sir, he isn't," the boy replied. "He went into town."
"Well," said the rancher, "Is your Mother here?"
"No sir, she's not here either. She went into town with Dad."
"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"
"No sir, He went with Mom and Dad."
The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself.
"Is there anything I can do for you?" the boy asked politely. "I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one. Or maybe I could take a message for Dad."
"Well," said the rancher uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Suzie, pregnant."'
The boy considered for a moment. "You would have to talk to Pa about that," he finally conceded. "If it helps you any, I know that Pa charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the hog, but I really don't know how much he gets for Howard."
I somehow dont get it. So he tells the boy that the man's daughter is pregnant from the boy's brother. So what does the bull and pig have to do with it?
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by CarlTR6 View Post
LOL. You aren't a farm boy, are you?
Apparently not! Or, for that matter, a fan of horse racing...(hint for starwolf....how do retired racehorses continue to make money for their owners?)
My System SpecsSystem Spec
04 Apr 2010   #792
johnwillyums

Windows 7 Home Premium 64 bit
 
 

I suspect starwolf is better off not knowing what farm boys get up to on those long lonely evenings

Anyway here's my joke-

Paddy goes for a job on a building site.
While he's waiting to be interviewed the other workers tell him that the boss is a bigot who hates the Irish and thinks they're all thick and stupid.
They tell him the boss will try and catch him out with trick questions.
Paddy goes in to see the boss and, after the preliminaries,the boss starts asking questions.
boss: "This is a tough job Paddy. I need to know you know your stuff. What's the difference between a joist and a girder?"
Paddy: "Oh sure, that's easy. Joyce wrote Ulysses, Goethe wrote Faust"
My System SpecsSystem Spec
04 Apr 2010   #793
CarlTR6

Windows 7 Ultimate 32 bit
 
 

My System SpecsSystem Spec
.

04 Apr 2010   #794
Arc

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

Microsoft Windows 10 Pro Insider Preview 64-bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by johnwillyums View Post
I suspect starwolf is better off not knowing what farm boys get up to on those long lonely evenings

Anyway here's my joke-

Paddy goes for a job on a building site.
While he's waiting to be interviewed the other workers tell him that the boss is a bigot who hates the Irish and thinks they're all thick and stupid.
They tell him the boss will try and catch him out with trick questions.
Paddy goes in to see the boss and, after the preliminaries,the boss starts asking questions.
boss: "This is a tough job Paddy. I need to know you know your stuff. What's the difference between a joist and a girder?"
Paddy: "Oh sure, that's easy. Joyce wrote Ulysses, Goethe wrote Faust"
My System SpecsSystem Spec
04 Apr 2010   #795
starwolf1336

Windows 7 Professional 64bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by noobvious View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by starwolf1336 View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by harry5 View Post
Only a Farm Kid...
When you're from the country ~ you look at things a little differently...

A Montana rancher got in his pickup and drove to a neighboring ranch and knocked at the door. A young boy, about 9, opened the door "Is your Dad home?" the rancher asked.
"No sir, he isn't," the boy replied. "He went into town."
"Well," said the rancher, "Is your Mother here?"
"No sir, she's not here either. She went into town with Dad."
"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"
"No sir, He went with Mom and Dad."
The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself.
"Is there anything I can do for you?" the boy asked politely. "I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one. Or maybe I could take a message for Dad."
"Well," said the rancher uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Suzie, pregnant."'
The boy considered for a moment. "You would have to talk to Pa about that," he finally conceded. "If it helps you any, I know that Pa charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the hog, but I really don't know how much he gets for Howard."
I somehow dont get it. So he tells the boy that the man's daughter is pregnant from the boy's brother. So what does the bull and pig have to do with it?
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by CarlTR6 View Post
LOL. You aren't a farm boy, are you?
Apparently not! Or, for that matter, a fan of horse racing...(hint for starwolf....how do retired racehorses continue to make money for their owners?)
sell them as pets? Put them down? i have no idea :P
My System SpecsSystem Spec
04 Apr 2010   #796
harry5

 

A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a glass of 12 year old scotch. A drunk at the end of the bar lifts his head and looks at the guy. Bartender pours a glass of cheap scotch out of the drink well and gives it to the guy. He tastes it and says “This is some of your rot gut from your cheap stuff. I said 12 years old.” He now has the drunk’s full attention. The bartender pours a glass of Johnny Walker and gives it to the guy. He sips it and says “This is better but I think its Johnny Walker Red and that is not 12 years old.” The drunk is now totally amazed. Bartender pours a glass of Glenfiddich. The guy tastes it and says “Now that’s a good scotch. Glenfiddich 12 years old.” The drunk says “Hey buddy try shum a thish.” and slides a glass to the guy. He takes a sip. “Oh man! That tastes like piss!” “Hey thash purty ghoud” the drunk says………”How old am I?”
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04 Apr 2010   #797
MattRainier

7 Ultimate x64, Vista Ultimate x64, 7 Pro x64, XP Pro x86, Linux Mint Nadia Cinnamon
 
 

Quote:
sell them as pets? Put them down? i have no idea :P
HAHA, this is almost as funny as the joke.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
04 Apr 2010   #798
derekimo

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

Win 10 Pro x64
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by starwolf1336 View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by noobvious View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by starwolf1336 View Post

I somehow dont get it. So he tells the boy that the man's daughter is pregnant from the boy's brother. So what does the bull and pig have to do with it?
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by CarlTR6 View Post
LOL. You aren't a farm boy, are you?
Apparently not! Or, for that matter, a fan of horse racing...(hint for starwolf....how do retired racehorses continue to make money for their owners?)
sell them as pets? Put them down? i have no idea :P
They become valuable by passing on their genes, They're gigolo's.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
04 Apr 2010   #799
CarlTR6

Windows 7 Ultimate 32 bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by starwolf1336 View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by noobvious View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by starwolf1336 View Post

I somehow dont get it. So he tells the boy that the man's daughter is pregnant from the boy's brother. So what does the bull and pig have to do with it?
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by CarlTR6 View Post
LOL. You aren't a farm boy, are you?
Apparently not! Or, for that matter, a fan of horse racing...(hint for starwolf....how do retired racehorses continue to make money for their owners?)
sell them as pets? Put them down? i have no idea :P
My System SpecsSystem Spec
04 Apr 2010   #800
edrik

Windows 7 Home Premium SP1 64-bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by harry5 View Post
A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a glass of 12 year old scotch. A drunk at the end of the bar lifts his head and looks at the guy. Bartender pours a glass of cheap scotch out of the drink well and gives it to the guy. He tastes it and says “This is some of your rot gut from your cheap stuff. I said 12 years old.” He now has the drunk’s full attention. The bartender pours a glass of Johnny Walker and gives it to the guy. He sips it and says “This is better but I think its Johnny Walker Red and that is not 12 years old.” The drunk is now totally amazed. Bartender pours a glass of Glenfiddich. The guy tastes it and says “Now that’s a good scotch. Glenfiddich 12 years old.” The drunk says “Hey buddy try shum a thish.” and slides a glass to the guy. He takes a sip. “Oh man! That tastes like piss!” “Hey thash purty ghoud” the drunk says………”How old am I?”
LOL !! hahahaha xD

okay I got one too


A man that survived a plane crash got stranded on an island and has been living there for several months, time came and he felt his "needs" and since there's no one else living on the island he had his eyes set on a camel he found on the island. But his problems only got worse because he cant reach for the camel's (you know...) so what he did is he took a stool and tried again to put it in but the camel keeps on moving away, he tries it again... but again the camel moved away. Days went past, he still cant get the camel.. but one fateful night another plane crashed on the island so the man went around to see if there were any survivors. From afar he saw someone trying to swim towards the island so he dived into the water to lend that person a hand and when he reached the survivor, he found out that it was a woman.
The man is in LUCK!!
So the woman said, "Thank you, in return for saving my life you can do anything you want to me".
The man replied, "REALLY ?!?!"
The woman blushed and answered, "Yes.. tell me anything I'll do anything for you"
The man said, "Okay then, come with me..."
So the man grabbed the woman by her hand and went towards his tent.
The man said, "Can you hold this camel still? It keeps on moving everytime i try to put it in"
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