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Windows 7: Jokes Thread

08 Apr 2010   #831
Dragonfly

Windows 7 Ultimate 32 & 64 -(Boot Camped Snow Leopard on a Mac Mini)
 
 
Exact change

An Aussie truckie walks into an outback cafe' with a full-grown emu behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders.

The truckie says, 'A hamburger, chips and a coke,' and turns to the emu, 'What's yours?' 'I'll have the same,' says the emu.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and he reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment..

The next day, the man and the emu come again and he says,'A hamburger, chips and a coke.' The emu says, 'I'll have the same.'
Again the truckie reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the waitress.

'No, it's Friday night, so I'll have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man. 'Same,' says the emu.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me, mate, how do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?'

'Well, love' says the truckie, 'a few years ago, I was cleaning out the back shed, and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'

'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!'

'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,' says the man. The waitress asks, 'What's with the bloody emu?'

The truckie sighs, pauses, and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall bird with a big arse and long legs, who agrees with everything I say.'
My System SpecsSystem Spec
08 Apr 2010   #832
noobvious

Win 7 Ultimate 64-bit SP1 (desktop)
 
 

Harry, you can select the whole post and change the font size very easily.....might be appreciated if you did.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
08 Apr 2010   #833
MadMaxData

Windows 7 Enterprise x64
 
 

Okay, here's a distasteful joke. So all you ladies stop right here.


Q. What do you call an anerexic with a yeast infection?

A. A quarter pounder with cheese.
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.

08 Apr 2010   #834
starwolf1336

Windows 7 Professional 64bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by MadMaxData View Post
Okay, here's a distasteful joke. So all you ladies stop right here.


Q. What do you call an anerexic with a yeast infection?

A. A quarter pounder with cheese.
haha, wow, thats a gross one
My System SpecsSystem Spec
09 Apr 2010   #835
smsff7

Windows 7 Pro X64
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Dragonfly View Post
An Aussie truckie walks into an outback cafe' with a full-grown emu behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders.

The truckie says, 'A hamburger, chips and a coke,' and turns to the emu, 'What's yours?' 'I'll have the same,' says the emu.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and he reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment..

The next day, the man and the emu come again and he says,'A hamburger, chips and a coke.' The emu says, 'I'll have the same.'
Again the truckie reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the waitress.

'No, it's Friday night, so I'll have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man. 'Same,' says the emu.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me, mate, how do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?'

'Well, love' says the truckie, 'a few years ago, I was cleaning out the back shed, and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'

'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!'

'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,' says the man. The waitress asks, 'What's with the bloody emu?'

The truckie sighs, pauses, and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall bird with a big arse and long legs, who agrees with everything I say.'

lol good one tho that is a good idea for a wish...the first one that is
My System SpecsSystem Spec
09 Apr 2010   #836
jfar

Vista Ult64, Win7600
 
 

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!"

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."
My System SpecsSystem Spec
09 Apr 2010   #837
Muad Dib

XP Pro & Vista Home Premium (x86); Windows Ultimate 7600 x64 Retail
 
 

A man walked into the Doctor's office with a duck sitting on top of his head.

The Doctor looked up and said "Can I help you?".

The duck said "Yeah, can you get this guy off my ass?".
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09 Apr 2010   #838
D3ftOn3Z

Win 7 Ultimate SP1 x64
 
 

My horse taste like raisins

Yahoo! Answers is always full of interesting, sometimes ridiculous questions that are just begging to get laughed at. This morning I came across one that did just that, some guy wondering why his horse tastes like raisins. Our advice, never lick a gift horse in the mouth.


My System SpecsSystem Spec
09 Apr 2010   #839
jfar

Vista Ult64, Win7600
 
 

Patton staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen.

He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.

Managing not to yell, Patton sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.

He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.

In the morning, Patton woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Kathleen staring at him from across the room.

She said, "You were drunk again last night weren't you?"

Patton said, "Why you say such a mean thing?"

"Well," Kathleen said, "it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly ..... it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror
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09 Apr 2010   #840
starwolf1336

Windows 7 Professional 64bit
 
 

haha, nice jfar
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