New
#841
I cant stop laughing
related joke:
Whats the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?
you can un-screw a lightbulb...
Guy out playing golf comes to the third hole, a short par 3. He hits the ball which runs onto the green and straight into the hole for a "hole in one"
He walks up to get his ball when suddenly a genie pops out of the hole.
"Hello master, you have scored a hole in one and I will grant any one wish you may have" He thinks for a moment and says "I'd like a big dick, please" There's a bright flash and the genie is gone.
He continues his game and by the tenth hole his dick has grown and is hanging by his kneecap. By the fourteenth it's down by his ankles and by the end of the round it's hanging out the bottom of his trousers and dragging on the ground, causing him severe discomfort as it's now covered in grass and gravel.
He goes to the pro shop, gets a bucket of balls and heads back to the third tee. After hitting ball after ball for an hour or so, he finally gets another hole in one.
He walks up to the hole to get his ball and out pops the genie again.
"Hello master, you have scored a hole in one and I will grant any one wish you may have"
"Er, can I have some longer legs please!"
Cats
A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park.
As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway.
The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home.
Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat!
He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.
Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?"
"Yes," the wife answers, "why do you ask?"
Frustrated, the man answered, "Put him on the phone, I'm lost and need directions!"