Jokes Thread

Election time earplugs

The Penis Study In 2005

The American Government funded a study to see why the head of a man's Penis was larger than the shaft. After 1 year and $180,000, they concluded that the reason that the head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex.

After the US published the study, the French decided to do their own study. After $250,000 and 3 years of research, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the woman more pleasure during sex.

Canadians, unsatisfied with these findings, conducted their own study. After 2 weeks and a cost of around $75.46 and 2 cases of beer, they concluded that it was to keep a man's hand from flying off and hitting himself in the forehead.

Guy turns to the gorgeous chick sitting by him on a plane and asks whether she would have sex with him for 2 million dollars. She is a little embarrassed by the question but after reflecting a little, says, "well, I think 2 million is just too much to let go. Yes, I would.
"OK" he replies "and how about 200 bucks?"
Outraged she replies, "what, do you think I am a prostitute?"
"Well, that we established with the first question, now it is just a matter of negotiating the price".

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Man who run in front of car get tired.
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Man who run behind car get exhausted.
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Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok
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Man with one chopstick go hungry.
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Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
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Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
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Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.
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Panties not best thing on earth! But next to best thing on earth.
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War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
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Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
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Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
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It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
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Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
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Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
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Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
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Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.
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Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
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Crowded elevator smell different to midget
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Rush Limbaugh had an interesting take on the immigration issue the other day. He announced that he was giving points he thought should be in the immigration law...

1) You must come legally to the country and get a visa.

2) You must have a job and/or show that you have at least $1000 income a month.

3) If you're not a citizen just because your children are born in the country doesn't make them citizens.

4) You have two years to learn the native language and you must pass a test to renew your visa.

5) You must pay income tax as well as a $100/year tax to remain in the country.

6) You cannot have any record of committing a felony.

7) You cannot own a gun.

After he finished announcing these points, he stated that this was actually Mexico's immigration law. We should follow their lead...

Jerry, a highlander from Rapides Parish in central Louisiana, was an older, single gentleman who was born and raised a Baptist, living in South Louisiana.

Each Friday night after work, he would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak. Now, all of Jerry's neighbors were Catholic...and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Fridays. The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest.

The priest came to visit Jerry, and suggested that Jerry convert to Catholicism.

After several classes and much study, Jerry attended Mass...and as the priest sprinkled holy water over Jerry, he said, "You were born a Baptist and raised a Baptist, but now you are Catholic."

Jerry's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood.

The priest was called immediately by the neighbors and, as he rushed into Jerry's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold Jerry, he stopped in amazement and watched. There stood Jerry, clutching a small bottle of water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat, and chanted, "You were born a deer, and raised a deer, but now you are a catfish."

masterB;245055[FONT=&quot said:

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Panties not best thing on earth! But next to best thing on earth.
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Why are thongs similar to barbed wire?
They protect the property but do not block the view

Antman said:

X-469

That one is so old!!