::: BREAKING NEWS :::
In 2010 the government will start deporting all the mentally ill people.
I started crying when I thought of you all.
Run my little crazy friends, run!
Well, what can I say ??
Someone sent it to me,
and dammit,
I'm NOT going alone !!
The Secretary of Defense is briefing President Bush on Iraq. "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."
"Oh no!" exclaims the president, "That's terrible!"
His staff is stunned at this unprecedented display of emotion, watching as Bush sits, head in hands.
Finally, he looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"
A man finished reading a new book entitled, 'YOU CAN BE THE MAN OF YOUR HOUSE'. He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, 'From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert. After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want. Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then, you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"
'The wife replied, 'The funeral director would be my first guess.'....
Joe and Dave are hunting when Dave keels over. Frantic, Joe dials 911 on his cell phone and blurts, "My friend just dropped dead! What should I do?
"
A soothing voice at the other end says, "Don't worry, I can help. First, let's make sure he's really dead."
After a brief silence, the operator hears a shot. Then Joe comes back to the phone. "Okay," he says nervously to the operator. "What do I do next?"
Last night, I called directory assistance. I asked the operator for the telephone number for Mary Jones in Phoenix, Arizona.
"There are multiple listings for Mary Jones in Phoenix," the operator replied. "Do you have a street name?"
"Well, most people call me Antman."
I was driving along the north 40 with George Bush, looking for breaks in the fence. We found a cow with it's head stuck in the fence. Being from Texas, I got out, dropped my pants and "did" the cow. I pulled my pants up and said, "W, it's your turn."
George Bush got out of the truck and stuck his head in the fence.
