Jokes Thread

They do deserve a break once in a while

wallyinnc said:

They do deserve a break once in a while

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year,

And every year Morris would say,

'Esther,I'd like to ride in that helicopter.'

Esther always replied,

'I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars,

And fifty dollars is fifty dollars'

One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said,

'Esther, I'm 85 years old.

If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance..'

To this, Esther replied,

'Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.'

The pilot overheard the couple and said,

'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny

But if you say one word it's fifty dollars.'

Morris and Esther agreed and up they went.

The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard.

He did his daredevil tricks over and over again,

But still not a word.

When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said,

'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't...

I'm impressed'

Morris replied,

'Well, to tell you the truth,

I almost said something when Esther fell out,

But you know,

fifty dollars is fifty dollars'

Newlywed couple gets home from honeymoon. When they are entering their new lovenest, the husband says: “well, now it is a good time for us to get some ground rules established”
“On Mondays and Wednesdays it is game night with my friends”
“Tuesdays nights are poker nights. Thursday we go out for a good cigar”
“On Fridays we vary, but it is usually happy hour until late in the evening. OK?”
“OK”, she said, “but here at home I will have sex every night, you being here or not”

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator?
A: The blonde works in the dark!


Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been using the computer?
A: The joystick is wet.


Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.


Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another beer."


Q: What do Blondes say after sex?
A1: Thanks Guys.
A2: Are you boys all in the same band?
A3: Do you guys all play for the Green Bay Packers?


Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.


Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A: The more you bang it the looser it gets.


Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: What do blonds and spaghetti have in common?
A: They both wriggle when you eat them.


Q: Why was the blondes' belly button sore ?
A: Because her boyfriend was blonde too.


Q: How do you get a blond out of a tree?
A: Wave


Q: What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?
A: They both have black roots.


Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?


Q: What do you call a zit on a blonde's ass?
A: A brain tumor.


Q: What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?
A: Two brunettes.


Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.


Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
A: So her male would get delivered to the right box.