Jokes Thread

This is serious. Please BEWARE!


Over the last month I became a victim of a clever 'Eastern European' scam while out shopping. Simply dropping into Tesco's for a bit of shopping resulted in the following...... Don't be naïve enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.

Here's how the scam works:

Two very good looking voluptuous 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the boot. They both start cleaning your windscreen, their boobs almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts.

When you thank them and offer them a tip, they'll say 'No' and instead ask you for a lift to another Tesco, in this case the one in Cleckheaton. You agree and they both get in the backseat.

On the way, they start undressing, and both get completely in the buff. Then, when you pull over to remonstrate, one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over your lap, trying to kiss you and touch you intimately, thrusting herself against you. While the other one steals your wallet!

I had my wallet stolen October 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th, and 29th. Also November 1st, 4th, 6th,10th and twice yesterday.

P.S. Aldi have wallets on sale for £1.99 each but Lidl are £1.75 and look better.



Take Care

The Dole Office.

A long haired Maori walked into the W'h'anganui Dole office to pick up his dole cheque.
He marched straight up to the counter and said,
'Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing the dole. I'd really rather have a job.'

The girl behind the counter said, ' Your timing is excellent, Sir.'
'We have just received a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a
chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around
in his 2007 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes.

Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to
escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward to
say, but you will also have as part of your job assignment, to satisfy her
sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive..
A two-bedroom loft type apartment with plasma TV, stereo, bar, etc...
located above the garage will be designated for your sole use and the salary
is $200,000 a year. '



The Maori wide-eyed, said, ' You're bulls****In' me! '


The Dole office worker replied, ' Yeah, well . ......... You started it.'

rsvr85 said:

This is serious. Please BEWARE!


Over the last month I became a victim of a clever 'Eastern European' scam while out shopping. Simply dropping into Tesco's for a bit of shopping resulted in the following...... Don't be naïve enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.

Here's how the scam works:

Two very good looking voluptuous 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the boot. They both start cleaning your windscreen, their boobs almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts.

When you thank them and offer them a tip, they'll say 'No' and instead ask you for a lift to another Tesco, in this case the one in Cleckheaton. You agree and they both get in the backseat.

On the way, they start undressing, and both get completely in the buff. Then, when you pull over to remonstrate, one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over your lap, trying to kiss you and touch you intimately, thrusting herself against you. While the other one steals your wallet!

I had my wallet stolen October 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th, and 29th. Also November 1st, 4th, 6th,10th and twice yesterday.

P.S. Aldi have wallets on sale for £1.99 each but Lidl are £1.75 and look better.


Take Care

I would buy a wallet and put myself in a situation of where I would meet these young women...

lather...rinse...repeat

HughShaw said:

v0id said:

This is jokes thread! Post your best jokes! I will start first!

A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery."

The lady asks, "How do I do it without surgery?"

"Just rub toilet paper between them."

Startled the lady asks, "How does that make them bigger?"

"I don't know, but it worked for your ass."

I don't get it...so wiping tissue paper between your ass when taking a dump makes your ass bigger?

Be married to the same woman for 20 or so years and you'll understand.