Jokes Thread

zigzag3143 said:

• There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t
• If at first you don’t succeed; call it version 1.0
• I’m not anti-social; I’m just not user friendly
• My software never has bugs. It just develops random features
• Roses are #FF0000 , Violets are #0000FF , All my base belongs to you
• In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?
• Hand over the calculator, friends don’t let friends derive drunk
• I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code
• Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue…
• The box said ‘Requires Windows 95 or better’. So I installed LINUX
• A penny saved is 1.39 cents earned, if you consider income tax
• Unix, DOS and Windows…the good, the bad and the ugly
• A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila
• The code that is the hardest to debug is the code that you know cannot possibly be wrong
• UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity

luv it!

Don't know if someone has already posted this but anyways

Types of computer viruses

Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

Airline virus: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.

Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.

The Verizon virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for AT&T viruses.

Michael Jackson virus: Hard to identify because it is constantly altering its appearance. This virus won't harm your PC, but it will trash your car.

Nike virus: Just Does It!

Paul Revere virus: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack---once if by LAN, twice if by C:.

PBS virus: Your PC stops every few minutes to ask for money.

Politically correct virus: Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism".

Right To Life virus: Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counselor about possible alternatives.

Texas virus: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.

had to share this with eaveryone it's from my friends facebook status
friends status-so sad my boyfriend is being deployed to haiti(her boyfriend is military, army i believe.)
response-why are we going to war with haiti? they just had an earthquake.

valtonray said:

had to share this with eaveryone it's from my friends facebook status
friends status-so sad my boyfriend is being deployed to haiti(her boyfriend is military, army i believe.)
response-why are we going to war with haiti? they just had an earthquake.

You shouldnt make fun of it, but ROFLMAO

valtonray said:

had to share this with eaveryone it's from my friends facebook status
friends status-so sad my boyfriend is being deployed to haiti(her boyfriend is military, army i believe.)
response-why are we going to war with haiti? they just had an earthquake.

HA!

No joke, my friend posted this as his status once:

I had no fun at ???'s party. I didn't do anything illegal, dangerous, or even stupid!

My other friend then posted:

Well, you could try jumping off boat going 50.

The sad part: My friend did jump off a boat, while it was going 30.

Wife: 'What are you doing?

Husband: Nothing.
Wife: 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.' ا

Husband: 'I was looking for the expiry date.'


**********************************************************

Wife : 'Do you want dinner?'

Husband: 'Sure! What are my choices?'

Wife: 'Yes or no.'
**********************************************************
Wife: 'You always carry my photo in your wallet. Why?' ا

Hubby: 'When there is a problem, no matter how great, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.'




Wife: 'You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?'

Hubby: 'Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be greater than this one?'

derekimo said:

patio said:

His request approved, the CNN News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight.

He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.

Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger.

He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go'.

The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.

Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, 'Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.'

'Why?' asked the pilot.

'Because I'm a photographer for CNN' , he responded, 'and I need to get some close up shots.'

The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered, 'So, what you're telling me, is . . . You'reNOTmy flight instructor?'