Jokes Thread

What happens if she has no sister but only a brother?

HA HA LOLOLOLOL
Am I allowed to post this on this forum/ topic?

jfar said:

A far more accurate account of the events of that fateful morning...I thought it funny..sorry if it offends anyone
Baby bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty. "Who's been eating my porridge?" he squeaks.
Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl and it is also empty. "Who's been eating my porridge?!?" he roars.
Momma Bear pokes her head out from the kitchen and yells, "How many times do I have to go through this with you idiots? It was me who got up first. It was me who woke everyone in the house. It was me who made the coffee. It was me who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away. It was me who swept the floor in the kitchen. It was me who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper and croissants. It was me who set the damn table."It was me who walked the bloody dog, cleaned the cat's litter tray, gave them their food, and refilled their water."And now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear-as**es downstairs and grace Momma Bear with your grumpy presence, listen carefully, because I'm only going to say this once...."I HAVEN'T MADE THE F***ING PORRIDGE YET!!!"

"I HAVEN'T MADE THE F***ING PORRIDGE YET!!!"

jfar said:

The three bears came home from a walk in the forest, they were mighty hungry.
They notice that the front door has been left wide open.
When they went into the house Baby Bear looked at his bowl on the table and shouted,
Who’s been eating my porridge???
Mamma Bear looked at her bowl and shouted.
Who’s been eating my porridge???
Daddy Bear stares at the two of them with a look of sheer shock on his face and says.
Never mind the F….ing porridge, the Flat screen and the Video are F…ing gone.

Where do you get this stuff?

A Blues Club in Berlin. A local, famous band is playing tonight, crowd already keenly waiting. At last band arrives, parking the car in front of the entrance. Musicians step out of the car, driver locks the doors and accidentally drops the keys in to a drainage well. Only then the band members notice the base player is still dozing in the back seat. They knock the windows to wake him up, but it's of course too late.

They had to cancel the gig; it was a Saturday evening and it took several hours before they could find a locksmith to let the base player out from the car.

jfar said:

A far more accurate account of the events of that fateful morning...I thought it funny..sorry if it offends anyone
Baby bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty. "Who's been eating my porridge?" he squeaks.
Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl and it is also empty. "Who's been eating my porridge?!?" he roars.
Momma Bear pokes her head out from the kitchen and yells, "How many times do I have to go through this with you idiots? It was me who got up first. It was me who woke everyone in the house. It was me who made the coffee. It was me who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away. It was me who swept the floor in the kitchen. It was me who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper and croissants. It was me who set the damn table."It was me who walked the bloody dog, cleaned the cat's litter tray, gave them their food, and refilled their water."And now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear-as**es downstairs and grace Momma Bear with your grumpy presence, listen carefully, because I'm only going to say this once...."I HAVEN'T MADE THE F***ING PORRIDGE YET!!!"

lmao

jfar said:

A far more accurate account of the events of that fateful morning...I thought it funny..sorry if it offends anyone
Baby bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty. "Who's been eating my porridge?" he squeaks.
Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl and it is also empty. "Who's been eating my porridge?!?" he roars.
Momma Bear pokes her head out from the kitchen and yells, "How many times do I have to go through this with you idiots? It was me who got up first. It was me who woke everyone in the house. It was me who made the coffee. It was me who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away. It was me who swept the floor in the kitchen. It was me who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper and croissants. It was me who set the damn table."It was me who walked the bloody dog, cleaned the cat's litter tray, gave them their food, and refilled their water."And now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear-as**es downstairs and grace Momma Bear with your grumpy presence, listen carefully, because I'm only going to say this once...."I HAVEN'T MADE THE F***ING PORRIDGE YET!!!"