Jokes Thread

A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says: "The parrot on the left costs $500 dollars".

"Why, does the parrot cost so much?" asks the man. The owner says, "Well the parrot knows how to use a computer".

The man then asks about the next parrot and is told that this one costs $1,000 dollars because it can do everything the first parrot can do plus it knows how to use the UNIX operating system.

Naturally, the increasingly startled man asks about the third parrot and is told that it costs $2,000 dollars. Needless to say this begs the question, "What can it do?"

To which the owner replies, "To be honest I have never seen it do a thing but the other two call him boss!"

steve-pressman said:

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called John, the 11 year
old next door whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to
come over..

John clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong?

He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'

I didn't want to appear to stupid, but nonetheless inquired, 'An, ID
ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'

John grinned. 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?''

No,' I replied.

'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.'

So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T

I used to like that little shit.

That's great!

A new supermarket opened in Davenport, Iowa . It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
>
When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh mown hay.
In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions.
>
When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.
>
The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread & cookies.
>
>I don't buy toilet paper there anymore.

patio said:

A new supermarket opened in Davenport, Iowa . It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
>
When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh mown hay.
In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions.
>
When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.
>
The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread & cookies.
>
>I don't buy toilet paper there anymore.

Should I Buy an iPad?


A flow chart to help you decide (its a link, people).

MattRainier said:

I've heard a similar one, except there's two more variations. Usually, it's a 'pebkac' issue - "Problem Exists Between Keyboard And Chair" - or an m-zero-r-zero-n problem.

M0r0n.

Another on is PICNIC Problem In Chair Not In Computer