Jokes Thread

I'm not sure either. But I am thinking that a couple of acres of land is worth more than a few hundred thousand pounds. So he gets the kick and the insult, yet has the most.

Just speaking theoretically, of course. :P

AN Oldie but Gold :)

This is a reword on one of the other jokes here:

A man wants to go to Hawaii but is afraid to fly and gets terribly seasick. One day he is on the beach thinking about his wish to go to Hawaii and begins to pray. God appears and asks the man how he can help him get to Hawaii. The man says “Build a bridge from California to Hawaii”. God says “Wow that is a huge undertaking; what about the ramifications on the environment and all the people who will hate the bridge being there, what about all the ships that need to go by being forced to around or go though drawbridges.” God says “I can surely make the bridge but I think I will make a lot of people unhappy and it will harm the environment”, “How about I do something else for you?” The man thinks for a moment and says “Ok, then let me and every man completely understand women”, God says “Do you want 2 lanes or 4 lanes?”

WindowsStar said:

This is a reword on one of the other jokes here:

A man wants to go to Hawaii but is afraid to fly and gets terribly seasick. One day he is on the beach thinking about his wish to go to Hawaii and begins to pray. God appears and asks the man how he can help him get to Hawaii. The man says “Build a bridge from California to Hawaii”. God says “Wow that is a huge undertaking; what about the ramifications on the environment and all the people who will hate the bridge being there, what about all the ships that need to go by being forced to around or go though drawbridges.” God says “I can surely make the bridge but I think I will make a lot of people unhappy and it will harm the environment”, “How about I do something else for you?” The man thinks for a moment and says “Ok, then let me and every man completely understand women”, God says “Do you want 2 lanes or 4 lanes?”

Four lanes ... if God asks me the same question

johnwillyums said:

Guy meets girl in a bar. They get on really well, laughing and talking, joking with each other.
It get's later and the drink is flowing and the couple become very friendly indeed.
It's obvious from the way they are talking and touching that they are very attracted to each other.
Eventually the guy says: "look, why don't we get out of here and go back to your place and make mad passionate love all night long?"
The girl replies "well, I am very attracted to you and ordinairily I'd jump at the idea but I'm afraid I'm on my menstrual cycle tonight"

Guy says "That's no problem, I'll follow you home on my Honda":)

Oh ! Help me ! I can't breath