Jokes Thread


  1. Posts : 1,747
    window's 7
       #1151

    How about drinking while doing yoga?
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  2. Posts : 761
    Windows 2000 5.0 Build 2195
       #1152

    The Power of a Badge.....





    A DEA officer stops at a ranch in South Dakota , and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher says, "Okay , but do not go in that field over there," as he points out the location.


    The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish, on any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand? "


    The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.


    A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull......




    With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified. The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs.....


    " Your badge! Show him your BADGE ! "
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  3. Posts : 1,747
    window's 7
       #1153

    Escaped Prisoner

    A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
    He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
    While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants s*x, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll k*ll us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
    To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
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  4. Posts : 22,814
    W 7 64-bit Ultimate
       #1154

    arkhi said:
    The Power of a Badge.....





    A DEA officer stops at a ranch in South Dakota , and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher says, "Okay , but do not go in that field over there," as he points out the location.


    The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish, on any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand? "


    The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.


    A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull......




    With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified. The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs.....


    " Your badge! Show him your BADGE ! "


    LMAO!
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  5. Posts : 123
    Windows 7 Professional x64
       #1155

    (full stop means end of joke)
    A man walks into a bar, second man ducks.

    A seal walks into a club.

    An Irishman walks out of a pub.
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  6. Posts : 1,747
    window's 7
       #1156

    Pass Gass

    I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
    needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
    gas with the beat of the music.

    After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
    and noticed that everybody was staring at me....

    Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
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  7. Posts : 22,814
    W 7 64-bit Ultimate
       #1157

    kucing13 said:
    Pass Gass

    I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
    needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
    gas with the beat of the music.

    After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
    and noticed that everybody was staring at me....

    Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.


    That's a good one! Jokes Thread-roflmao.gif
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  8. Posts : 761
    Windows 2000 5.0 Build 2195
       #1158

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  9. Posts : 17,545
    Windows 10 Pro x64 EN-GB
       #1159

    A Finnish website, but the joke is in English so you will understand it. An iPad ad...
    http://www.riemurasia.net/jylppy/media.php?id=71511
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  10. Posts : 1,607
    Windows 7 x64 finally!
       #1160

    arkhi said:
    OMG, that is how the gravity gun will come to be...
    well, at least they are using a torque wrench to tighten the bolts on the LHC
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