Jokes Thread

Classic detention slip!

JOAN those are very good !!!.. thanks for sharing today.

Tews said:

A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. He gave each kid in the class the first half of the proverb,
and asked them to come up with the rest.
Here is what the kids came up with:

People in glass houses shouldn't . . . run around naked.

Better to be safe than . . . punch a 5th grader.

Strike while the . . . bug is close.

It's always darkest before . . . daylight savings time.

Never underestimate the power of . . . termites.

You can lead a horse to water but . . . how?

Don't bite the hand that . . . looks dirty.

No news is . . . impossible.

A miss is as good as a . . . Mr.

You can't teach an old dog . . . math.

If you lie down with dogs, you . . . will stink in the morning.

Love all, trust . . . me.

The pen is mightier than . . . the pigs.

An idle mind is . . . the best way to relax.

Where there is smoke, there is . . . pollution.

Happy is the bride who . . . gets all the presents.

A penny saved is . . . not much.

Two is company, three is . . . The Musketeers.

None are so blind as . . . Helen Keller.

Children should be seen and not . . . spanked or grounded.

If at first you don't succeed . . . get new batteries.

You get out of something what you . . . see pictured on the box.

When the blind lead the blind . . . get out of the way.

There is no fool like . . . Aunt Edie.

Tews hi.. Children just speak as they think.. this is so precious !!!

30 HARSH THINGS A WOMAN CAN SAY TO A NAKED MAN

1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ohhhh, it's cute.
3. Why don't we just cuddle?
4. You know they have surgery to fix that.
5. Make it dance.
6. Can I paint a smiley face on it?
7. Wow, and your feet are so big.
8. It's OK, we'll work around it.
9. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
10. Oh no... a flash headache.
11. (giggle and point)
12. Can I be honest with you?
13. How sweet, you brought incense.
14. This explains your car.
15. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
16. Why is God punishing me?
17. At least this won't take long.
18. I never saw one like that before.
19. But it still works, right?
20. It looks so unused.
21. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
22. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
23. Are you cold?
24. If you get me real drunk first.
25. Is that an optical illusion?
26. What is that?
27. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
28. Does it come with an air pump?
29. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
30. I guess this makes me the "early bird."

you forgot one:

"So THATS why your supposed to go for personality"

You forgot another one: Is it in??

mickey megabyte said:

speaking from experience, martin?

A female friend of mine sent me a whole list of them years ago, thats the only one that sticks in my memory though

mickey megabyte said:

speaking from experience, martin?

Same question came in my mind, too