Jokes Thread


  1. Posts : 9,582
    Windows 8.1 Pro RTM x64
       #1671

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  2. Posts : 4,549
    Windows 8 - 64-bit
       #1672

    The Nun in Hooters.......

    A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters.

    The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while "the lights would turn off." Each time the light would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.

    However, when the revellers saw the nun, the room went dead silent. She walked up to the bartender and asked, "May I please use the restroom?"

    The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf."

    "Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way," said the nun.

    So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant. After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause. She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?

    "Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender, "Would you like a drink?"

    "No thank you, but, I still don't understand, said the puzzled nun.

    "You see, laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out. Now, how about that drink?"

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  3. Posts : 9,537
    Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
       #1673

    Great one LPt +1
    I'll drink to that!!
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  4. Posts : 11,990
    Windows 7 Ultimate 32 bit
       #1674

    LADYPINKtomato1 said:
    The Nun in Hooters.......

    A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters...

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  5. Posts : 11,840
    64-bit Windows 8.1 Pro
       #1675

    Thats superb LPT... thanks for the belly laugh... I needed it!!
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  6. Posts : 1,491
    Win7 Pro-64 Bit
       #1676

    A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons nor prior experience.
    She mounts the horse, unassisted and the horse immediately springs into action. As it gallops along at its steady and rhythmic pace, the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.
    In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but despite her best efforts, slides down the horse's flanks.
    The horse continues to gallop along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider.

    Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety.
    Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup.
    She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground, time and time again.
    As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness, when to her great fortune, Frank, the Woolworths supermaket trolley boy, sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse.
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  7. Posts : 11,990
    Windows 7 Ultimate 32 bit
       #1677

    ^^
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  8. Posts : 1,491
    Win7 Pro-64 Bit
       #1678

    TOM'S SCROTUM


    The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would
    like to express praise for answered prayers. Suzie Smith stood and walked
    to the podium. She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband,
    Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed.
    The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help
    him." You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as
    they
    imagine the pain that poor Tom must have experienced. "Tom was unable to
    hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible
    pain." We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it
    turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom's
    scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place." Again, the men in
    the
    congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the
    horrible surgery performed on Tom. "Now," she announced in a quivering voice, thank the Lord, Tom is out of the hospital and the doctors say that
    with time, his scrotum should recover completely." All the men sighed
    with
    unified relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had
    something to say. A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He
    said, "I'm Tom Smith." The entire congregation held its breath. "I just
    want to tell my wife the word is sternum.
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  9. Posts : 4,549
    Windows 8 - 64-bit
       #1679

    hahahahahah.. ohh mercy me..
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  10. Posts : 11,840
    64-bit Windows 8.1 Pro
       #1680

    DISCLAIMER: The "Tom Smith" in said joke is not to be confused with me... Thank You!!
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