Jokes Thread

brightblessings said:

two aliens

some yeas ago two aliens landed in outback australia near a gas station that was closed for the night. They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying, "greetings, earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader."
the gas pump, of course, didn't respond.
The younger alien became angry at the lack of response.
The older alien said, 'i'd calm down if i were you.'
the younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting. Again, there was no response.

Browned off at the pump's haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and said gruffly, "greetings, earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader or i will fire!"
the older alien again warned his comrade saying, 'you don't want to do that! It will make him angry.'
'rubbish,' replied the cocky, young alien. He aimed his weapon and opened fire. There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared towards him and blew the younger alien off his feet and threw him in a burnt, smoking mess about 200 yards away in a cactus patch.
Half an hour passed. When he finally regained consciousness, he refocused his three eyes, straightened his bent antenna, and looked dazedly at the older, wiser alien who was standing over him shaking his big, green head.
'what a ferocious creature!' exclaimed the young, fried alien. 'he darn near killed me! How did you know he was so dangerous?'

the older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his crispy friend and replied, 'if there's one thing i've learned during my intergalactic travels, you never mess with a guy who can loop his penis over his shoulder twice and then stick it in his ear.'

roflmao!

As you get older just remember:

Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings".

If you think sex is a pain in the ass, you're doing it wrong.

Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy!

E mailing or internet acces via Blackberry will no longer be possible in Saudi Arabia and the UAE where the service will be blocked, government announcements have stated.

The reason given for the decision is Blackberry's refusal to modify its systems to allow monitoring of internet traffic on Blackberry by the two countries' security agencies.

The decision, while causing disappointment and consternation among Blackberry users living or visiting there, has also started humour mills turning. Example:

New laws in Saudi Arabia and the United Arab Emirates will require that every Blackberry user dress their phone a miniature burqa and face veil.

‘The Blackberry burqa means that people can still use their phones,’ said a Saudi government official, ‘but the tiny niqab that covers the screen will stop them from reading emails or accessing the Internet.’

Some businessmen believe that making their phone wear a burqa can be very liberating. ‘It’s great,’ said one, ‘with the veil in place I am free to walk about with my Blackberry in public without the feeling that people are staring lustily at my multi-media application. It also covers my shame for not owning an iPhone.’

The Saudi government have promised that anyone who refuses to dress their Blackberry in a burqa will face harsh punishment. ‘I am not saying exactly what we will do,’ said their Minister for Justice, ‘but suffice to say that it isn’t so easy to text with your toes.’

Borg 386 said:

E mailing or internet acces via Blackberry will no longer be possible in Saudi Arabia and the UAE where the service will be blocked, government announcements have stated.

The reason given for the decision is Blackberry's refusal to modify its systems to allow monitoring of internet traffic on Blackberry by the two countries' security agencies.

The decision, while causing disappointment and consternation among Blackberry users living or visiting there, has also started humour mills turning. Example:

New laws in Saudi Arabia and the United Arab Emirates will require that every Blackberry user dress their phone a miniature burqa and face veil.

‘The Blackberry burqa means that people can still use their phones,’ said a Saudi government official, ‘but the tiny niqab that covers the screen will stop them from reading emails or accessing the Internet.’

Some businessmen believe that making their phone wear a burqa can be very liberating. ‘It’s great,’ said one, ‘with the veil in place I am free to walk about with my Blackberry in public without the feeling that people are staring lustily at my multi-media application. It also covers my shame for not owning an iPhone.’

The Saudi government have promised that anyone who refuses to dress their Blackberry in a burqa will face harsh punishment. ‘I am not saying exactly what we will do,’ said their Minister for Justice, ‘but suffice to say that it isn’t so easy to text with your toes.’

Reminds me of The Onion.

Why is my Internet explorer running slow?

derekimo said:

Dinesh said:

Why is my Internet explorer running slow?

Toolbar fetish?

Bondage.

Dinesh said:

Why is my Internet explorer running slow?

Wow!

[QUOTE=Dinesh;884448]Why is my Internet explorer running slow?

I think the bigger question here is why is the PC still running?