Jokes Thread

Page 1 of 196 12311101 ... LastLast

  1. Posts : 291
    Windows 3.11

    Jokes Thread

    This is jokes thread! Post your best jokes! I will start first!

    A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery."

    The lady asks, "How do I do it without surgery?"

    "Just rub toilet paper between them."

    Startled the lady asks, "How does that make them bigger?"

    "I don't know, but it worked for your ass."
      My Computer

  2. Posts : 4,573

    The guys in the office got me a sweater for my birthday.

    I was hoping for a moaner.
      My Computer

  3. Posts : 4,573

    How many MS Technical Support reps does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    Dear Valued Customer,

    We apologize that you are experiencing difficulties with MS Light Bulbs. To hear these options again, press 1.
      My Computer

  4. Posts : 4,573

    A young man is taking helicopter flying lessons. While at the controls, a thick layer of fog rolls in, obscuring the landscape. He cannot find the heliport. The instructor takes over the controls and drops beneath the cloud cover, approaches a tall skyscraper and hovers by a window.

    The student scrawls a note on paper, holding it up to the window - "Where are we?"
    A man inside the building holds up a note - "In a helicopter."

    The pilot nods knowingly, pulls the chopper up above the cloud cover and takes a direct heading, drops beneath the cloud cover, exactly at the heliport, and lands.

    The student is amazed. "How did you know where we were?"

    "Easy", said the pilot. "We got a technically correct answer that was of no use. We had to be at Microsoft."
      My Computer

  5. Posts : 6,305
    Windows 7 Ultimate x64

    I was really sad to see Micheal Jackson's family carrying his coffin on telly, I thought Cool Runnings was on & I love that film
      My Computer

  6. Posts : 291
    Windows 3.11
    Thread Starter

      My Computer

  7. Posts : 4,573

    I was at the DMV registering for a new driver's license. The clerk asked me when was my birthday.

    "December 14", I replied.

    She asked me, "What year?"

    "Every year!"

    Geez, some people.
      My Computer

  8. Posts : 6,305
    Windows 7 Ultimate x64

    More of a true story than a joke but it had me howling

    Working in my local pub 1 night there was a 21st birthday party (loads o' totty ) This girl was talking to her mate and was saying how she's been drinking since she was 17. This fella, overhearing, turns round and says 'Really? I've been drinking since this morning'

    I just hit the deck & give him a free drink for that 1, i was having a bad night till then
      My Computer

  9. Posts : 8,398
    ultimate 64 sp1

    here's two similar jokes for you all, stop me if you've heard them before...

    1 -a lorry carrying a cargo of wireless networking equipment was mysteriously hijacked after being caught up in a traffic jam this morning in Birmingham.

    police have admitted they are not currently persuing any leads.

    2 - Central Birmingham was brought to a standstill tonight when a lorry overturned on the A38, shedding its entire load of TFT panels and LCD TVs.

    Asked if the road will be cleared in time for rush hour tomorrow, police have stated they can't yet say, but are continuing to monitor the situation.
      My Computer

  10. Posts : 4,573

    Billy comes home school and he is VERY happy. His mother asks, "Billy, why are you so happy?"

    "MOM! Today, I had SEX!", Billy brags.

    Shocked, his Mom orders Billy up to his room. "And stay there until your father gets home!"

    When Billy's father gets home, his Mom shares the horrible news and demands that he give Billy a thorough smack down.

    Billy's father goes upstairs, closes the door, winks at Billy, gives him a high five, and starts yelling loudly about the utter horror of his offense. And then he quietly tells Billy how proud he is and "Don't tell your Mom I said that."

    The next day, the proud father tells all of his friends and co-workers about Billy's venture into manhood. When Billy's father gets home, he asks Billy, "Well son, did you have sex again today?"

    Wincing, Billy says, "No, Dad. My butt still hurts from yesterday."
      My Computer

Page 1 of 196 12311101 ... LastLast

  Related Discussions
Our Sites
Site Links
About Us
Windows 7 Forums is an independent web site and has not been authorized, sponsored, or otherwise approved by Microsoft Corporation. "Windows 7" and related materials are trademarks of Microsoft Corp.

Designer Media Ltd
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 16:36.
Find Us