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16 Jul 2009
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#1
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Jokes Thread
This is jokes thread! Post your best jokes! I will start first!
A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery."
The lady asks, "How do I do it without surgery?"
"Just rub toilet paper between them."
Startled the lady asks, "How does that make them bigger?"
"I don't know, but it worked for your ass."
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My System Specs |
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System Manufacturer/Model Number IBM
OS Windows 3.11
CPU Pentium 386
Memory 12 MB
Graphics Card 2 MB
Monitor(s) Displays 12"
Screen Resolution 640X480
Hard Drives 100 MB
Internet Speed 1 kb/s
Other Info I Love my PC!
17 Jul 2009
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#2
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The guys in the office got me a sweater for my birthday.
I was hoping for a moaner.
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17 Jul 2009
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#3
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How many MS Technical Support reps does it take to screw in a light bulb?
-----------------------------------
Dear Valued Customer,
We apologize that you are experiencing difficulties with MS Light Bulbs. To hear these options again, press 1.
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My System Specs |
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17 Jul 2009
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#4
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A young man is taking helicopter flying lessons. While at the controls, a thick layer of fog rolls in, obscuring the landscape. He cannot find the heliport. The instructor takes over the controls and drops beneath the cloud cover, approaches a tall skyscraper and hovers by a window.
The student scrawls a note on paper, holding it up to the window - "Where are we?"
A man inside the building holds up a note - "In a helicopter."
The pilot nods knowingly, pulls the chopper up above the cloud cover and takes a direct heading, drops beneath the cloud cover, exactly at the heliport, and lands.
The student is amazed. "How did you know where we were?"
"Easy", said the pilot. "We got a technically correct answer that was of no use. We had to be at Microsoft."
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My System Specs |
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17 Jul 2009
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#5
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I was really sad to see Micheal Jackson's family carrying his coffin on telly, I thought Cool Runnings was on & I love that film
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My System Specs |
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System Manufacturer/Model Number Compaq Desktop
OS Windows 7 Ultimate x64
CPU AMD Sempron Dual Core
Memory 3GB
Graphics Card NVIDIA GeForce 6150SE nForce 430
Screen Resolution 1024x768
Hard Drives 150GB Sata
System Manufacturer/Model Number IBM
OS Windows 3.11
CPU Pentium 386
Memory 12 MB
Graphics Card 2 MB
Monitor(s) Displays 12"
Screen Resolution 640X480
Hard Drives 100 MB
Internet Speed 1 kb/s
Other Info I Love my PC!
19 Jul 2009
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#7
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I was at the DMV registering for a new driver's license. The clerk asked me when was my birthday.
"December 14", I replied.
She asked me, "What year?"
"Every year!"
Geez, some people.
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19 Jul 2009
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#8
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More of a true story than a joke but it had me howling
Working in my local pub 1 night there was a 21st birthday party (loads o' totty  ) This girl was talking to her mate and was saying how she's been drinking since she was 17. This fella, overhearing, turns round and says 'Really? I've been drinking since this morning'
I just hit the deck & give him a free drink for that 1, i was having a bad night till then
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My System Specs |
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System Manufacturer/Model Number Compaq Desktop
OS Windows 7 Ultimate x64
CPU AMD Sempron Dual Core
Memory 3GB
Graphics Card NVIDIA GeForce 6150SE nForce 430
Screen Resolution 1024x768
Hard Drives 150GB Sata
19 Jul 2009
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#9
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here's two similar jokes for you all, stop me if you've heard them before...
1 -a lorry carrying a cargo of wireless networking equipment was mysteriously hijacked after being caught up in a traffic jam this morning in Birmingham.
police have admitted they are not currently persuing any leads.
2 - Central Birmingham was brought to a standstill tonight when a lorry overturned on the A38, shedding its entire load of TFT panels and LCD TVs.
Asked if the road will be cleared in time for rush hour tomorrow, police have stated they can't yet say, but are continuing to monitor the situation.
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My System Specs |
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System Manufacturer/Model Number mickey megabyte 1234
OS ultimate 64 sp1
CPU i5 2500K 3.3@4.2GHz
Motherboard MSI P67A-GD53
Memory 8 gigs GSkill Ripjaws 1600
Graphics Card amd hd6950
Sound Card creative x-fi gamer
Monitor(s) Displays samsung 24"
Screen Resolution 1920x1080
Keyboard saitek eclipse ii
Mouse logitech g3
PSU antec 550
Case antec three hundred
Cooling i'm a cooling fan
Hard Drives ocz vertex 2e 60 gig, samsung f3 1tb, buffalo 2tb ext
Internet Speed about 4 Mbps
Other Info i love win7
19 Jul 2009
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#10
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Billy comes home school and he is VERY happy. His mother asks, "Billy, why are you so happy?"
"MOM! Today, I had SEX!", Billy brags.
Shocked, his Mom orders Billy up to his room. "And stay there until your father gets home!"
When Billy's father gets home, his Mom shares the horrible news and demands that he give Billy a thorough smack down.
Billy's father goes upstairs, closes the door, winks at Billy, gives him a high five, and starts yelling loudly about the utter horror of his offense. And then he quietly tells Billy how proud he is and "Don't tell your Mom I said that."
The next day, the proud father tells all of his friends and co-workers about Billy's venture into manhood. When Billy's father gets home, he asks Billy, "Well son, did you have sex again today?"
Wincing, Billy says, "No, Dad. My butt still hurts from yesterday."
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