Jokes Thread [3]

BlackSparrow · 28 Jan 2013

pebbly said:

A little boy enters his parent's bedroom early one morning only to find his mum lying on top of his dad frantically making love. Realising she'd been spotted in the act, mum hurriedly gets dressed and follows her son down the stairs to try and explain what he saw. "Tom", she says, "you know that your daddy has a big fat tummy, well sometimes I have to bounce up and down upon it to flatten it down, that's what I was doing when you came into our room!"

The little boy, looking quite bemused replies, "well that's a waste of time, because whenever you go out shopping the next door neighbour's wife comes around, gets on her Knees and blows it back up again!"

pebbly... you just made me fall off my chair!

Borg 386 · 29 Jan 2013

A man decides he's had enough of the big city & moves to a Alaskan cabin in the middle of nowhere.

He's enjoying the quiet when one day, he see's a grizzled old prospector walking toward his cabin. The prospector walks up to him and says "Howdy. Names Ray. I'm your neighbor, 5 miles over the ridge. Come to invite you to a party. Tomorrow evening."

The man says "Well that sounds nice. I accept your invitation."

The Prospector says "Gotta warn ya, gonna be some drinking & gambling."

The man replies "Oh that's no problem, I wouldn't mind a good drink after all this time."

The prospector says " Gonna be some cussin', fighting and wrestlin' around too."

The man says "Oh...well...I guess that won't be a problem."

The prospector says "Gonna be some wild sex too."

The man thinks it over & says "Well, I haven't been out around others for a bit, so I suppose I can put up with all of that."

As the prospector walks away, the man shouts at him "Excuse me, but what should I wear, will it be formal or casual?"

The prospector turns around and says "Don't matter none...just gonna be you & me there."

Imperfect1 · 30 Jan 2013

Oh ick! That was funny, Borg!

suavedude · 30 Jan 2013

pebbly said:

A young Japanese girl had been taught all of her life that
when she married she was to please her husband and never
upset him. So the first morning of her honeymoon when the
young Japanese bride crawled out of the bed after making
love and she stooped down to pick up her husband's clothes
and she let a big fart. She looked up and said, "Excuse
please, front hole so happy back hole whistle!"

This cracks me up...big time! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

suavedude · 31 Jan 2013

Involuntary Muscular Contractions

A professor at the University of Sydney was giving a lecture on
'Involuntary Muscular Contractions' to his first year medical
students.

Realizing this was not the most riveting subject, the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly. He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, 'Do you know what your ass hole is doing while you're having an orgasm?'
She replied, 'Probably drinking beer with his mates.'

*It took 45 minutes to restore order in the classroom.........*

suavedude · 31 Jan 2013

Kofi hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Abena, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night." She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" Kofi said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife." "Oh, that is very nice indeed, Kofi!" Abena said. The next day, Abena ran into one of Kofi's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "Kofi won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Abena." She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised meself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

alikhan · 31 Jan 2013

pebbly said:

A little boy enters his parent's bedroom early one morning only to find his mum lying on top of his dad frantically making love. Realising she'd been spotted in the act, mum hurriedly gets dressed and follows her son down the stairs to try and explain what he saw. "Tom", she says, "you know that your daddy has a big fat tummy, well sometimes I have to bounce up and down upon it to flatten it down, that's what I was doing when you came into our room!"

The little boy, looking quite bemused replies, "well that's a waste of time, because whenever you go out shopping the next door neighbour's wife comes around, gets on her Knees and blows it back up again!"

Joan Archer · 03 Feb 2013

SEX AFTER DEATH? A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there was sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no after-life at all. After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact:
"Judy..........Judy"
"Is that you, George?"
"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."
"That's wonderful!? What's it like?"
... Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to golf course again. Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much-needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again"
"Oh, George, are you in Heaven?"

"No, I'm a rabbit in Kansas."

Kari · 03 Feb 2013

:) Good one Joan!

Dwarf · 03 Feb 2013

Joan, Have you been taking lessons from Kathleen (Pebbly) ?