Jokes Thread [3]


  1. Posts : 25,847
    Windows 10 Pro. 64/ version 1709 Windows 7 Pro/64
       #1321

    I have no idea how that happened. I shall change it.
    ---------------

    Only a Farm Kid"...

    When you're from the country, your perception is a little bit different.

    A farmer drove to a neighbor's farmhouse and knocked at the door.
    A boy, about 9, opened the door.
    "Is your dad or mom home?" said the farmer.
    "No, they went to town" said the boy.
    "How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?" asked the farmer.
    "No, he went with Mom and Dad" the boy answered.
    The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to
    the other, and mumbling to himself.
    "I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can
    give Dad a message" said the boy.
    "Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad.
    It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter Suzy pregnant".

    The boy thought for a moment...

    "You would have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the pig,
    but I don't know how much he charges for Howard."
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  2. Posts : 6,244
    win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
       #1322

    A guy walks into a bar in Kentucky and orders a white wine.


    All the hillbillies sitting around the bar look up, expecting to see some pitiful Yankee from the north.

    The bartender says, "You ain't from around here, are ya?"

    The guy says, "No, I'm from Canada ."

    The bartender says, "What do you do in Canada ?"

    The guy says, "I'm a taxidermist."

    The bartender says, "A taxidermist? What in tarnation is a taxidermist? Do you drive a taxi?"

    "No", says the Canadian "A taxidermist doesn't drive a taxi. I mount animals."

    The bartender grins and hollers,



    "It's okay boys. He's one of us."
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  3. Posts : 25,847
    Windows 10 Pro. 64/ version 1709 Windows 7 Pro/64
       #1323

    The Canadian is one of the good old boys now, for sure.
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  4. Posts : 506
    Windows 7 Ultimate x64
       #1324

    pebbly said:
    A guy walks into a bar in Kentucky and orders a white wine.


    All the hillbillies sitting around the bar look up, expecting to see some pitiful Yankee from the north.

    The bartender says, "You ain't from around here, are ya?"

    The guy says, "No, I'm from Canada ."

    The bartender says, "What do you do in Canada ?"

    The guy says, "I'm a taxidermist."

    The bartender says, "A taxidermist? What in tarnation is a taxidermist? Do you drive a taxi?"

    "No", says the Canadian "A taxidermist doesn't drive a taxi. I mount animals."

    The bartender grins and hollers,



    "It's okay boys. He's one of us."
    Layback Bear said:
    The Canadian is one of the good old boys now, for sure.


    EH!
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  5. Posts : 53,807
    Windows 10 Home x64
    Thread Starter
       #1325

    Hosers...

    A Guy
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  6. Posts : 4,549
    Windows 8 - 64-bit
       #1326

    Ol' Blue



    A young cowboy from Regina goes off to college. Half way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered all his money.
    He calls home.

    "Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here in Waterloo
    that will teach our dog, Ol' Blue how to talk!"

    "That's amazing," his Dad says. "How do I get Ol' Blue in that program?"

    "Just send him down here with $1,000" the young cowboy says. "I'll get him in the course."

    So, his father sends the dog and $1,000.

    About two-thirds of the way through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home.

    "So how's Ol' Blue doing son?" his father asks.

    "Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this - they've had such good results
    they have started to teach the animals how to read!"

    "Read!?" says his father, "No kidding! How do we get Blue in that program?"

    "Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class."

    The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out
    the dog can neither talk, nor read.

    So he shoots the dog.

    When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited. "Where's Ol' Blue? I just can't wait to see
    him read something and talk!"

    "Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home,
    Ol' Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading Shakespeare, like he usually does.

    Then he turned to me and asked, "So, is your daddy still messing around with that little blonde who lives down the street?"
    The father exclaimed, "I hope you shot that SOB before he talks to your mother!"

    "I sure did, Dad!"
    "That's my boy!"

    The kid went on to law school, and now serves in Ottawa as a senator.
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  7. Posts : 25,847
    Windows 10 Pro. 64/ version 1709 Windows 7 Pro/64
       #1327

    That's a great joke Lady. I sent it to my two friends that have email addresses.
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  8. Posts : 53,807
    Windows 10 Home x64
    Thread Starter
       #1328

    Good one M'Lady

    A Guy
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  9. Posts : 4,549
    Windows 8 - 64-bit
       #1329

    Some I can't share.. so when I can I love for you to see those too.
    Thanks guys.
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  10. Posts : 25,847
    Windows 10 Pro. 64/ version 1709 Windows 7 Pro/64
       #1330

    John and Billy were coming back to Johns house from a fishing trip from the close by pond.
    Billy notice the dog and the cat on the front porch were licking them selfs in that special place.
    Billy said he wish he could do that.
    John ask Billy if he remember a couple of week back when his face was all scratched up.
    Yes I do and it looked bad.
    Well Billy if you pet the dog you will have no problems but if you try it on the cat your face will look like mine did.
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