Jokes Thread [3]


  1. Posts : 24,479
    Windows 7 Ultimate X64 SP1
       #1341

    Good addition Jack.
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  2. Posts : 25,847
    Windows 10 Pro. 64/ version 1709 Windows 7 Pro/64
       #1342

    Hillary and Monica emailed me and verified the fact.
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  3. Posts : 2,686
    Windows 8.1 Pro w/Media Center 64bit, Windows 7 HP 64bit
       #1343

    A Sheriff in a small town in Wyoming walks out in the street and sees a blond haired cowboy coming toward him with nothing on but his cowboy hat, his gun and his boots. He arrests him for indecent exposure.

    As he is locking him up, he asks Why in the world are you walking Around like this?
    ...
    The cowboy says, Well it...'s like this Sheriff, I was in this bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her. So I did.

    We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt.... So I did.

    Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants..... So I did.

    Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts..... So I did.

    Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says,
    Now go to town cowboy.

    And here I am.

    Son of a Gun. Blonde Men do exist!
    First time I have ever seen a Blonde Man Joke !
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  4. Posts : 4,549
    Windows 8 - 64-bit
       #1344

    THESE TIPS/REMEDIES REALLY WORK!! I checked this out on Snopes.! ...

    AMAZING, SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES:

    1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.

    2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.

    3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.

    4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

    5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

    6. YOU NEED ONLY TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

    7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.

    THOUGHT for the day:

    SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN THEY'RE PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.
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  5. Posts : 53,663
    Windows 10 Home x64
    Thread Starter
       #1345

    LADYPINKtomato1 said:
    THESE TIPS/REMEDIES REALLY WORK!! I checked this out on Snopes.! ...

    AMAZING, SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES:

    1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.

    2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.

    3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.

    4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

    5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

    6. YOU NEED ONLY TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

    7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.

    THOUGHT for the day:

    SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN THEY'RE PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.
    All good advice M'Lady

    A Guy
      My Computer


  6. Posts : 6,244
    win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
       #1346

    Little Billy asks his dad for a telly in his room. Dad reluctantly agrees.
    Next day Billy comes downstairs and asks, 'Dad, what's love juice?'
    Dad looks horrified and tells Billy all about sex.
    Billy just sat there with his mouth open in amazement.
    Dad says, 'So what were you watching?'
    Billy says, ' Wimbledon.’
      My Computer


  7. Posts : 6,244
    win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
       #1347

    Found on the Refrigerator One Morning :

    My Dear Wife,
    You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54
    years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value
    you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you
    will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening
    with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't be
    upset----I shall be home before midnight.

    When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on the
    dining room table:

    My Dear Husband,
    I received your letter and thank you for your honesty
    about my being 54 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to
    remind you that you are also 54 years old. As you know, I am a math
    teacher at our local college. I would like to inform you that while you
    read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my
    students, who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is young, virile,
    and like your secretary, is 18 years old.
    As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of math, you
    will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small
    difference - 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18.
    Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow.
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  8. Posts : 6,244
    win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
       #1348

    IT’S A BOY" I shouted "A BOY, I DON'T BELIEVE IT, IT’S A BOY"............................ And with tears streaming down my face I swore I'd never visit another Thai Brothel.
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  9. Posts : 17,545
    Windows 10 Pro x64 EN-GB
       #1349

    pebbly said:
    IT’S A BOY" I shouted "A BOY, I DON'T BELIEVE IT, IT’S A BOY"............................ And with tears streaming down my face I swore I'd never visit another Thai Brothel.
      My Computer


  10. Posts : 210
    Microsoft Windows 7 Ultimate 64-bit 7601 Multiprocessor Free Service Pack 1
       #1350

    LADYPINKtomato1 said:
    5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.
      My Computer


 

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