Jokes Thread [3]

  1. Posts : 506
    Windows 7 Ultimate x64

    Borg 386 said:
    Male Logic

    Woman: How many beers do you drink a day?

    Man: Usually about 3.

    Woman: How much do you pay per beer?

    Man: $5.00 including a tip.

    Woman: And how long have you been drinking?

    Man: About 20 years, I suppose.

    Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your
    spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately

    Man: Correct.

    Woman: If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the
    past 20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?

    Man: Correct.

    Woman: Do you know that if you didn’t drink so much beer, that money
    could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after
    accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have
    now bought a Ferrari?

    Man: Do you drink beer?

    Woman: No.

    Man: Where’s your Ferrari?
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  2. Posts : 4,549
    Windows 8 - 64-bit
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  3. Posts : 5,605
    Originally Win 7 Hm Prem x64 Ver 6.1.7600 Build 7601-SP1 | Upgraded to Windows 10 December 14, 2019

    The custom in these parts is to mail the Summer taxes the week of July 4th.
    I'll be going up in a few hours to pay them, and was reminded of a short story, you can replace the President with your favorite Representative.

    Post Turtle:

    While suturing a laceration on the hand of a 70-year-old Texas rancher (whose hand had caught in a gate while working cattle), a doctor and the old man were talking about the President being in the White House.

    The old Texan said, "Well, ya know, the President is a 'post turtle'."

    Not knowing what the old man meant, the doctor asked him what a post turtle was.

    The old man said, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a post turtle."

    The old man saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to explain, "You know he didn't get there by himself, he doesn't belong there, he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, and you just want to help the poor stupid guy get down."

    I know I'll be poorer in a few hours, but wiser?
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  4. Posts : 1,491
    Win7 Pro-64 Bit

    I really liked the Dave Allen show. He was a very funny man indeed.
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  5. Posts : 25,847
    Windows 10 Pro. 64/ version 1709 Windows 7 Pro/64

    Anak Thank you for the Post Turtle.
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  6. Posts : 5,605
    Originally Win 7 Hm Prem x64 Ver 6.1.7600 Build 7601-SP1 | Upgraded to Windows 10 December 14, 2019

    Your welcome Layback Bear, my pleasure.
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  7. Posts : 24,479
    Windows 7 Ultimate X64 SP1

    Jokes Thread [3]-norm.png

    'Well you see, Norm, it's like this . . . A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers.'
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  8. Posts : 25,847
    Windows 10 Pro. 64/ version 1709 Windows 7 Pro/64

    Britton30 that makes more sense to me the more I drink. It must be true.
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  9. Posts : 9,537
    Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit

    The more I drink the prettier Gary begins to look.
    Probably take another keg for me to get the courage up to ask him out for a date!

    Your old bud,
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  10. Posts : 1,491
    Win7 Pro-64 Bit

    two stuffed dogs ...

    Paddy took two stuffed dogs to the 'Antiques Road show'.

    "Ooh!" said the presenter, "This is a very rare set, produced by the celebrated Johns Brothers taxidermists, who operated in London at the turn of the last century. Do you have any idea what they would fetch if they were in good condition?"

    "Sticks?" Paddy replied.
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