Jokes Thread [3]

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  1. Posts : 564
    Windows 8 Pro
       #141

    A blonde suspects that her boyfriend is cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun.

    She goes to his apartment that same day, with the gun in hand. Sure enough, when she opens the door, she finds her boyfriend in the arms of a redhead. She stares at them for a moment, then she's overcome with grief, so she puts the gun up to the side of her own head.

    Her boyfriend screams, "Honey, don't..."

    The blonde yells back, "Shut up! You're next!"
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  2. Posts : 564
    Windows 8 Pro
       #142

    German tourist arrives at french airport. Immigration officer asks him: "Occupation?" The german replies: "No, no, just visiting!"
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  3. Posts : 7,538
    Windows 10 64bit/Windows 10 64bit/Windows 10 64bit
       #143

    Don't know if this has been posted yet just seen it in one of my newsgroups.

    A worrying thought for 2012 ...



    10 years ago Bob Hope died

    5 years ago Johnny Cash died

    A couple of months ago Steve Jobs died

    A few weeks ago Jimmy Saville died

    Now we have no Hope, no Cash, no Jobs and nobody left to Fix It.



    Let's hope nothing happens to Ed Balls!
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  4. Posts : 7,730
    Windows 7 Ultimate SP1 64-Bit
       #144

    Can you imagine that poor sucker being berated by the Regimental Serjeant Major?

    "Balls, stand to attention!"

    "Balls, pull yourself together!"

    "Balls, stop fidgeting!"

    "Balls, get your bloody act together!"
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  5. Posts : 6,350
    Windows7 Pro 64bit SP-1; Windows XP Pro 32bit
       #145

    seavixen32 said:
    Can you imagine that poor sucker being berated by the Regimental Serjeant Major?

    "Balls, stand to attention!"

    "Balls, pull yourself together!"

    "Balls, stop fidgeting!"

    "Balls, get your bloody act together!"
    .....or "Yes sir, Major B...."
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  6. Posts : 632
    windows 7 x64 Home Premium
       #146

    seavixen32 said:
    Can you imagine that poor sucker being berated by the Regimental Serjeant Major?

    "Balls, stand to attention!"

    "Balls, pull yourself together!"

    "Balls, stop fidgeting!"

    "Balls, get your bloody act together!"
    ... or "Fall out, Balls!" Yikes!
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  7. Posts : 9,537
    Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
       #147

    stevieray said:
    seavixen32 said:
    Can you imagine that poor sucker being berated by the Regimental Serjeant Major?

    "Balls, stand to attention!"

    "Balls, pull yourself together!"

    "Balls, stop fidgeting!"

    "Balls, get your bloody act together!"
    ... or "Fall out, Balls!" Yikes!
    .... or "At Ease, Balls!
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  8. Posts : 3,187
    Main - Windows 7 Pro SP1 64-Bit; 2nd - Windows Server 2008 R2
       #148

    I guess it might be redundant to say "Balls, on the double..."
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  9. Posts : 7,730
    Windows 7 Ultimate SP1 64-Bit
       #149

    [/QUOTE]... or "Fall out, Balls!" Yikes![/QUOTE]

    Oh dear, I wish I'd thought of that one!
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  10. Posts : 9,582
    Windows 8.1 Pro RTM x64
       #150

    If he manages to climb a ladder, is it a Balls-up ?
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