Jokes Thread [3]


  1. Posts : 1,568
    Windows 8.1.1 64bit
       #1511

    Welcome to Fall


    Two neighbors were sitting on a deck talking. They saw their pretty blonde neighbor walk behind her barn with a rake..


    Soon, they heard a blood-curdling scream and they rushed over.


    She was clutching her left leg. They took her to the doctor where they found that her leg was broken.


    Finally the neighbors asked her what she had done.


    "Well," she replied, "I was raking leaves, and I fell out of the tree!"
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  2. Posts : 1,568
    Windows 8.1.1 64bit
       #1512

    Running Late

    An man is stopped by police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going this time of night.

    The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."

    The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"

    The man replies, "That would be my wife."
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  3. Posts : 53,819
    Windows 10 Home x64
    Thread Starter
       #1513

    COMPUTIAC said:
    Running Late

    An man is stopped by police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going this time of night.

    The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."

    The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"

    The man replies, "That would be my wife."


    A Guy
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  4. Posts : 1,568
    Windows 8.1.1 64bit
       #1514

    Divorce Court

    Henry and Molly were in divorce court after many years of marriage. The judge asked, "Henry, is it true that through the last three years of your marriage, you did not speak to Molly?"

    "Yes, your honor, that is correct."

    "And how do you explain this unusual conduct?"


    Harry replied, "I didn't want to interrupt her, Your Honor."
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  5. Posts : 24,479
    Windows 7 Ultimate X64 SP1
       #1515

    What would we call an orange if it was blue?
    Why do we drive on a parkway and park in a driveway?

    ~George Carlin, RIP
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  6. Posts : 4,566
    Windows 10 Pro
       #1516

    Ios7
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  7. Posts : 24,479
    Windows 7 Ultimate X64 SP1
       #1517

    Why am I Divorced?

    Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning.

    I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my husband would be pleasant and say, 'Happy Birthday!', and possibly have a small present for me.

    As it turned out, he barely said good morning, let alone ' Happy Birthday.'

    I thought...... well, that's marriage for you, but the kids.... they will remember.

    My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word..

    So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.

    As I walked into my office, my handsome Boss Rick, said, 'Good Morning, lady, and by the way Happy Birthday! '

    It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.

    I worked until one o'clock , when Rick knocked on my door and said, 'You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me....'

    I said, 'Thanks, Rick, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!'

    We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. He chose instead a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

    On the way back to the office, Rick said, 'You know, it's such a beautiful day... we don't need to go straight back to the office, do we?'

    I responded, 'I guess not. What do you have in mind?'

    He said, 'Let's drop by my place, it's just around the corner.'

    After arriving at his house, Rick turned to me and said, If you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back.'





    'Ok.' I nervously replied.

    He went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, he came out carrying a huge birthday cake .... followed by my husband, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing 'Happy Birthday'.

    And I just sat there....

    On the couch......

    Naked.
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  8. Posts : 1,800
    Windows 7 Pro x64 SP1
       #1518

    so good

    Rich
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  9. Posts : 1,606
    Windows `10 Professional 64bit
       #1519

    Chuckle
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  10. Posts : 1,568
    Windows 8.1.1 64bit
       #1520

    OOOOOPPPP's
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