Jokes Thread [3]

Great group of funny jokes recently, thanks for keeping the thread moving alone .

I take offense at the media describing the administration "spending money like a drunken sailor". As a former drunken sailor, I quit spending when I ran out.

Gary, me too..

Rich

Britton30 said:

I take offense at the media describing the administration "spending money like a drunken sailor". As a former drunken sailor, I quit spending when I ran out.

Me to.
Also no one would loan me any more money. They were very smart. I never did try getting money from the Federal Reserve; who knows that might of worked.

Doctor to elderly woman in for checkup: "You are doing great since your last checkup. As a matter-of-fact, you are doing so well that I'm happy to tell you that you can start climbing steps again."
The woman: " Thank God! I'm so damned tired of shinnying up and down that damn drain pipe to get to my bed room."

Redneck magic



A black guy and a redneck go into a pastry shop.


The black guy whisks three cookies into his pocket with lightning speed.
The baker doesn't notice.



The black guy says to the redneck:



"You see how clever we are?



You rednecks can never beat that!"



The redneck says to the black guy:



"Watch this, any Redneck is smarter than a roundhead, and I'll prove it to ya."



He says to the baker, "Give me a cookie, I'll show you a magic trick!"



The baker gives him the cookie, which redneck promptly eats.
Then he says to the baker: "Give me another cookie for my magic trick."



The baker is getting suspicious, but he gives it to him.



He eats this one too.



Then he says again: "Give me one more cookie..."



The baker is getting angry now, but gives him one anyway.



The Redneck eats this one too.



Now the baker is really mad, and he yells: "And where is your famous magic trick?"



The redneck says, "Look in the black guys pocket!"

The Ocean – ALL you Need to Know!!






Children Writing About the Ocean….








1) - This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly, age 6)

2) - Oysters' balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6)

3) - If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island. If you don't
have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. (Mike, age 7)

4) - Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily
Richardson. She's not my friend any more. (Kylie, age 6)

5) - A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head.
(Billy, age 8)

6) - My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and
pots and comes back with crabs. (Millie, age 6)

7) - When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the
ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn't blow the sailors would whistle
to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better
off eating beans. (William, age 7)

8) - Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and
I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant?
Like, really? (Helen, age 6)

9) - I'm not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is
always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has






just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy, age 6)

10) - Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can
give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think






they have to plug themselves in to chargers. (Christopher, age 7)

11) - When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my
willy small. (Kevin, age 6)

12) - Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers can't






go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky, age 8)

13) - On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was
going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired right
up her big fat ass. (Julie, age 7)

14) - The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don't drown
I don't know. (Bobby, age 6)

15) - My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean.
What he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom.
(James, age 7)

Britton30 said:

I take offense at the media describing the administration "spending money like a drunken sailor". As a former drunken sailor, I quit spending when I ran out.

That's how I was taught .. NO money then don't spend any, same as when I finally got my CC..
no money I don't buy on the CC either. I pay up the total when I get my statement .

Gary that's too cute..
I'm guessing they better have a few lessons on oysters .. as well as pearls... lol

This child is a future I.T. person.

10) - Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves in to chargers. (Christopher, age 7)