Jokes Thread [3]


  1. Posts : 21,007
    Desk1 7 Home Prem / Desk2 10 Pro / Main lap Asus ROG 10 Pro 2 laptop Toshiba 7 Pro Asus P2520 7 & 10
       #1671

    pebbly said:
    A young lady went to the doctor's for a check-up:
    "By the way, Doctor, my boyfriend has dandruff. Is there anything you can suggest?"
    "Why don't you just give him Head & Shoulders?"
    After a short pause; "How do you give shoulders?"
    Wow can you actually do that ?? LOL!!
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  2. Posts : 9,537
    Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
       #1672

    A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.

    She asks him why he is staring. He replies: 'I have a question to ask, but I don't want to offend you.'

    She answers, ' My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.'

    'Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.' She responds, 'Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you
    have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic.'

    The cab driver is very excited and says, 'Yes, I'm single and Catholic!'

    'OK' the nun says. 'Pull into the next alley.' The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.

    But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

    'My dear child,' said the nun, 'Why are you crying?'

    'Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess; I'm married and I'm Jewish.'

    The Nun says, 'That's OK. My name is Steve and I am going to a Halloween party.
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  3. Posts : 21,007
    Desk1 7 Home Prem / Desk2 10 Pro / Main lap Asus ROG 10 Pro 2 laptop Toshiba 7 Pro Asus P2520 7 & 10
       #1673

    The Howling Wolves said:
    A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.

    She asks him why he is staring. He replies: 'I have a question to ask, but I don't want to offend you.'

    She answers, ' My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.'

    'Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.' She responds, 'Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you
    have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic.'

    The cab driver is very excited and says, 'Yes, I'm single and Catholic!'

    'OK' the nun says. 'Pull into the next alley.' The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.

    But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

    'My dear child,' said the nun, 'Why are you crying?'

    'Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess; I'm married and I'm Jewish.'

    The Nun says, 'That's OK. My name is Steve and I am going to a Halloween party.
    I'll pay that one
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  4. Posts : 53,663
    Windows 10 Home x64
    Thread Starter
       #1674

    Lol, stole that one Dennis

    A Guy
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  5. Posts : 17,545
    Windows 10 Pro x64 EN-GB
       #1675

    Long time since the last OSC(*) joke. Thanks Dennis, that's a good one :).

    (*) OSC = On-Screen Coffee, result of laughing out loud while drinking coffee in front of the display
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  6. Posts : 53,663
    Windows 10 Home x64
    Thread Starter
       #1676

    A termite walks into a bar and says, " Is the bar tender here?"

    A Guy
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  7. Posts : 21,007
    Desk1 7 Home Prem / Desk2 10 Pro / Main lap Asus ROG 10 Pro 2 laptop Toshiba 7 Pro Asus P2520 7 & 10
       #1677

    Bloke goes the the doctor and "Doc I keep thinking I am a pair of curtains"
    Doc looks up at him say "Pull yourself together man!!"
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  8. Posts : 1,606
    Windows `10 Professional 64bit
       #1678

    Good ones, guys.
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  9. Posts : 24,479
    Windows 7 Ultimate X64 SP1
       #1679

    Blessed are those that can give without remembering, and take without
    forgetting.

    One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked
    about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you,
    I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the
    shop.

    When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank
    you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

    Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill ,
    the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community
    service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop.

    The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you '
    card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

    Then a Member of Congress came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay
    his bill , the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm
    doing community service this week.' The Member of Congress was very
    happy and left the shop.

    The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen
    Members of Congress lined up waiting for a free haircut.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    An Apache goes to the medicineman. Medicineman I am confused, wigwam-teepee, wigwam-teepee, wigwam-teepee, can you help?
    Medicineman say, brave warrior, you are two tents.
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  10. Posts : 16
    Win7 x64, Win 8 x32, Mac
       #1680

    this make me remember Obama
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