Jokes Thread [3]


  1. whs
    Posts : 26,213
    Vista, Windows7, Mint Mate, Zorin, Windows 8
       #1731

    Layback Bear said:
    Must of been one of those Black Friday Specials.
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  2. Posts : 1,568
    Windows 8.1.1 64bit
       #1732

    Office Holiday Memo

    To: All Employees
    From: Management
    Subject: Office conduct during the Christmas season
    Effective immediately, employees should keep in mind the following guidelines in compliance with FROLIC (the Federal Revelry Office and Leisure Industry Council).

    • Running aluminum foil through the paper shredder to make tinsel is discouraged.
    • Playing Jingle Bells on the push-button phone is forbidden (it runs up an incredible long distance bill)
    • Work requests are not to be filed under “Bah humbug.”
    • Company cars are not to be used to go over the river and through the woods to Grandma’s house.
    • All fruitcake is to be eaten BEFORE July 25.
    • Egg nog will NOT be dispensed in vending machines.

    In spite of all this, the staff is encouraged to have a Happy Holiday.
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  3. Posts : 1,568
    Windows 8.1.1 64bit
       #1733

    Reindeer Games


    According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December.


    Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl.


    We should have known... ONLY women would be able to drag a fat man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.
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  4. Posts : 1,568
    Windows 8.1.1 64bit
       #1734

    The ‘Clauses’

    Saint Nicholas is the main Clause.


    His wife is a relative Clause.


    His children are dependent Clauses


    Their Dutch uncle is a restrictive Clause.


    Santa’s elves are subordinate Clauses.
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  5. Posts : 9,615
    Win 7 Ultimate 64 bit
       #1735

    From the Marx Brothers "Night at the Opera".

    Fiorello: Hey, wait, wait. What does this say here? This thing here.
    Driftwood: Oh, that? Oh, that's the usual clause. That's in every contract. That just says uh, it says uh, "If any of the parties participating in this contract is shown not to be in their right mind, the entire agreement is automatically nullified."
    Fiorello: Well, I don't know...
    Driftwood: It's all right, that's, that's in every contract. That's, that's what they call a 'sanity clause'.
    Fiorello: Ha ha ha ha ha! You can't fool me! There ain't no Sanity Clause!
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  6. Posts : 25,847
    Windows 10 Pro. 64/ version 1709 Windows 7 Pro/64
       #1736

    COMPUTIAC said:
    Reindeer Games


    According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December.


    Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl.


    We should have known... ONLY women would be able to drag a fat man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.
    Well, welllll thinking on it they must be lady reindeer. They were doing this even before GPS.
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  7. Posts : 9,615
    Win 7 Ultimate 64 bit
       #1737

    How many reindeer did Santa have?
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  8. Posts : 17,322
    Win 10 Pro x64
       #1738

    Lady Fitzgerald said:
    How many reindeer did Santa have?
    9...

    Dasher
    Dancer
    Prancer
    Vixen
    Comet
    Cupid
    Donner
    Blitzen
    Rudolph
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  9. Posts : 9,615
    Win 7 Ultimate 64 bit
       #1739

    derekimo said:
    Lady Fitzgerald said:
    How many reindeer did Santa have?
    9...

    Dasher
    Dancer
    Prancer
    Vixen
    Comet
    Cupid
    Donner
    Blitzen
    Rudolph
    You forgot Olive. We first hear about her in the same song we heard about Rudolf.

    "Olive, the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names."

    Bazinga!
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  10. Posts : 3,724
    Windows 10x64 Build 1709
       #1740

    Lady Fitzgerald said:
    derekimo said:
    Lady Fitzgerald said:
    How many reindeer did Santa have?
    9...

    Dasher
    Dancer
    Prancer
    Vixen
    Comet
    Cupid
    Donner
    Blitzen
    Rudolph
    You forgot Olive. We first hear about her in the same song we heard about Rudolf.

    "Olive, the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names."

    Bazinga!
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