Jokes Thread [3]


  1. Posts : 10,485
    W7 Pro SP1 64bit
       #1791

    COMPUTIAC said:
    Desert Island

    ~~~

    Then the girl says, "So tell me then, how long has it been since you played around?"

    Man: "Oh, my God, don't tell me you've got a set of golf clubs in there, too...!"
    She was teed off
      My Computer


  2. Posts : 2,686
    Windows 8.1 Pro w/Media Center 64bit, Windows 7 HP 64bit
       #1792

    How does a golfer protect himself during a lightning storm?

    Holds a 2 iron over his head.

    Even God can't hit a 2 iron.

    Jim
      My Computer


  3. Posts : 71
    W-7 Home premium
       #1793

    When it reached -20 outside and the wind was blowing constantly, all her husband could do was stare at the window.

    She thought: "If it get's any colder, she might let the Drunkun Bum inside!"
      My Computer


  4. Posts : 9,537
    Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
       #1794

    A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by an Irish cop. He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from LONDON and is certain that he has a better education then any Jock cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Irish cops expense!!

    Irish cop says,"License and registration, please."

    London Lawyer says, "What for?"

    Irish cop says,"Ye didnae come to a complete stop at the stop sign."

    London Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."

    Irish cop says,"Ye still didnae come to a complete stop. License and registration, please"

    London Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"

    Irish cop says, "The difference is, ye huvte come to complete stop,that's the law. License and registration,please!"

    London Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."

    Irish cop says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir."

    The London Lawyer exits his vehicle.

    The Irish cop takes out his baton and starts beating the living sh*t out of the lawyer and says, "Daeye want me to stop, or just slow doon?"
      My Computer


  5. Posts : 9,615
    Win 7 Ultimate 64 bit
       #1795

    The Howling Wolves said:
    A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by an Irish cop. He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from LONDON and is certain that he has a better education then any Jock cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Irish cops expense!!

    Irish cop says,"License and registration, please."

    London Lawyer says, "What for?"

    Irish cop says,"Ye didnae come to a complete stop at the stop sign."

    London Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."

    Irish cop says,"Ye still didnae come to a complete stop. License and registration, please"

    London Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"

    Irish cop says, "The difference is, ye huvte come to complete stop,that's the law. License and registration,please!"

    London Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."

    Irish cop says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir."

    The London Lawyer exits his vehicle.

    The Irish cop takes out his baton and starts beating the living sh*t out of the lawyer and says, "Daeye want me to stop, or just slow doon?"
    Curious. An Irish cop with a Scottish accent.
      My Computer


  6. Posts : 9,537
    Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
       #1796

    The Editor was Scottish


    Lady Fitzgerald said:
    The Howling Wolves said:
    A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by an Irish cop. He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from LONDON and is certain that he has a better education then any Jock cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Irish cops expense!!

    Irish cop says,"License and registration, please."

    London Lawyer says, "What for?"

    Irish cop says,"Ye didnae come to a complete stop at the stop sign."

    London Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."

    Irish cop says,"Ye still didnae come to a complete stop. License and registration, please"

    London Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"

    Irish cop says, "The difference is, ye huvte come to complete stop,that's the law. License and registration,please!"

    London Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."

    Irish cop says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir."

    The London Lawyer exits his vehicle.

    The Irish cop takes out his baton and starts beating the living sh*t out of the lawyer and says, "Daeye want me to stop, or just slow doon?"
    Curious. An Irish cop with a Scottish accent.
      My Computer


  7. Posts : 1,568
    Windows 8.1.1 64bit
       #1797

    Red Light Runner

    Two elderly women were out driving in a large car-both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light."

    After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red again and again they went right though. This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on.

    At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through and she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row! You could have killed us!"

    Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, am I driving?"
      My Computer


  8. Posts : 24,479
    Windows 7 Ultimate X64 SP1
       #1798

    At Penn State University, there were four sophomores taking chemistry and all of them had an 'A' so far. These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends and have a big party. They had a great time but, after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Penn State until early Monday morning.

    Rather than taking the final then, they decided that after the final they would explain to their professor why they missed it. They said that they visited friends but on the way back they had a flat tire. As a result, they missed the final. The professor agreed they could make up the final the next day. The guys were excited and relieved. They studied that night for the exam.

    The next day the Professor placed them in separate rooms and gave them a test booklet. They quickly answered the first problem worth 5 points. Cool, they thought! Each one in separate rooms, thought this was going to be easy .... then they turned the page. On the second page was written...





    For 95 points: Which tire? _________
      My Computer


  9. Posts : 71
    W-7 Home premium
       #1799

    Early one morning, an elderly retired gentleman yelled to his wife....
    "Honey....! Come see what I created....!
    It's an 'abstract panorama' depicting the five years of the Obama presidency!"

    She yelled back, "Flush the damn toilet and come eat your breakfast."

      My Computer


  10. Posts : 9,615
    Win 7 Ultimate 64 bit
       #1800

    Curious how people forget that much of the mess Obama is having to deal with is a result of the previous administration.
      My Computer


 

  Related Discussions
Our Sites
Site Links
About Us
Windows 7 Forums is an independent web site and has not been authorized, sponsored, or otherwise approved by Microsoft Corporation. "Windows 7" and related materials are trademarks of Microsoft Corp.

© Designer Media Ltd
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 05:49.
Find Us