Jokes Thread [3]

COMPUTIAC said:

Rear View

My nephew works at a copy shop that provides a variety of computer services. Once, a customer brought in a snapshot he had taken of the front of his house.

"Would you scan this picture onto a computer screen"? he asked my nephew.

"Then rotate it 180 degrees. I need a photo of the back of my house."

Yep reminds me of a funny incident that happened to me a few years ago.
An older lady was told by her doctor to collect and bring in three consecutive days stool specimens - as one does for bowel cancer screening.
She came to the window of the nurses station and announced that she had done this and I politely said she could leave it with me and it would go to the lab the next day.
She fished around inside an old plastic carrier bag and brought out a 2 LITRE ice cream container packed to the brim with errrr her three days of stool.
I had to really restrain myself from laughing out loud at her naivety and the look on her face was just dead pan serious.LOL!! The doctor for a change thought this hilarious too!!

PS On a more serious not for those not in the know there are special small pots with scoops on the underside of the lid for collecting said specimens on three consecutive days and should be done by everyone over 40 -4 years old or if there is a history of familial bowel or any cancer.

Thought youall might like this.

A woman went to the doctor's office where she was seen by one of the younger doctors.
After about four minutes in the examination room, she burst out screaming as she ran down the hall.
An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story....
After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room.
The older doctor marched down the hallway back to where the young doctor was writing on his clipboard.
"What's the matter with you?" the older doctor demanded.
"Mrs. Terry is 71 years old, has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"
The younger doctor continued writing and without looking up said,


"Does she still have the hiccups?"

Rich

That's a great one.. made me laugh out loud !!!!

Well as long as it works, most could care less. I read every one listed,
it could well be they get distracted and forget to hiccup.....

Too much of a good thing , it's looking like.,

LADYPINKtomato1 said:

Too much of a good thing , it's looking like.,

Too true :)

No phones allowed at the dinner table, eating and conversation is all that's Allowed.

A pirate walked into a bar, and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible."

"What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."

"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."

"Well," said the pirate, "We were in a battle, and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now."

The bartender replied, "Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?"

The pirate explained, "We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook but I'm fine, really."

"What about that eye patch?"

"Oh," said the pirate, "One day we were at sea, and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up, and one of them sh*t in my eye."

"You're kidding," said the bartender. "You couldn't lose an eye just from bird sh*t."

"It was my first day with the hook.

Paper is dead !!!