Jokes Thread [3]

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  1. Posts : 9,537
    Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
       #211

    Subject: A SENIOR MOMENT


    Semper Fi

    Several days ago as I left a church meeting, I desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat down. I was looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing. Suddenly I realized, I must have left them in the car. Frantically I headed for the parking lot. My wife has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. Her theory is that the car will be stolen. As I burst through the doors of the church, I came to a terrifying conclusion. Her theory was right. The parking lot was empty. I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.

    Then I made the most difficult call of all, “Honey,” I stammered. I always call her “honey” in times like these. “I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen.”

    There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard Diane’s voice, “CHARLEY,” she barked, “I dropped you off!”

    Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, “Well, come and get me.”

    She retorted, “I will, as soon as I convince this policeman I have not stolen your car!”
      My Computer


  2. Posts : 6,244
    win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
       #212

    It's 2012 and it's the Olympics in London ..

    A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman want to get in, but they haven't got tickets.

    The Scotsman picks up a manhole cover, tucks it under his arm and walks to the gate.
    "McTavish, Scotland," he says, "Discus" and in he walks.

    The Englishman picks up a length of scaffolding and slings it over his shoulder.
    "Waddington-Smythe, England " he says, "Pole vault" and in he walks.

    The Irishman looks around and picks up a roll of barbed wire and tucks it under his arm.
    "O'Malley, Ireland " he says, "Fencing."
      My Computer


  3. Posts : 25,847
    Windows 10 Pro. 64/ version 1709 Windows 7 Pro/64
       #213

    pebbly said:
    It's 2012 and it's the Olympics in London ..

    A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman want to get in, but they haven't got tickets.

    The Scotsman picks up a manhole cover, tucks it under his arm and walks to the gate.
    "McTavish, Scotland," he says, "Discus" and in he walks.

    The Englishman picks up a length of scaffolding and slings it over his shoulder.
    "Waddington-Smythe, England " he says, "Pole vault" and in he walks.

    The Irishman looks around and picks up a roll of barbed wire and tucks it under his arm.
    "O'Malley, Ireland " he says, "Fencing."
    For sure I will take this one to the V.F.W.
    We do have a few Irishman.
      My Computer


  4. Posts : 7,730
    Windows 7 Ultimate SP1 64-Bit
       #214

    pebbly said:
    It's 2012 and it's the Olympics in London ..

    A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman want to get in, but they haven't got tickets.

    The Scotsman picks up a manhole cover, tucks it under his arm and walks to the gate.
    "McTavish, Scotland," he says, "Discus" and in he walks.

    The Englishman picks up a length of scaffolding and slings it over his shoulder.
    "Waddington-Smythe, England " he says, "Pole vault" and in he walks.

    The Irishman looks around and picks up a roll of barbed wire and tucks it under his arm.
    "O'Malley, Ireland " he says, "Fencing."
      My Computer


  5. Posts : 7,730
    Windows 7 Ultimate SP1 64-Bit
       #215

    1st Agent - 'I know the name of the top woman agent we've been seeking.'

    2nd Agent - 'Tell me her name, please.'

    1st Agent - 'Chantelle.'

    2nd Agent - 'Why not? I did ask you nicely.'
      My Computer


  6. Posts : 53,666
    Windows 10 Home x64
    Thread Starter
       #216

    seavixen32 said:
    1st Agent - 'I know the name of the top woman agent we've been seeking.'

    2nd Agent - 'Tell me her name, please.'

    1st Agent - 'Chantelle.'

    2nd Agent - 'Why not? I did ask you nicely.'
    Take the badge back!

    A Guy
      My Computer


  7. Posts : 7,730
    Windows 7 Ultimate SP1 64-Bit
       #217

    My wife laughed at it, but then she's not a very good judge of anything. I know that to be true because she married me!

    Send the badge back? Never, it's my pride and joy.
      My Computer


  8. Posts : 5,405
    Windows 7 Ultimate 64bit SP1
       #218

    pebbly said:
    It's 2012 and it's the Olympics in London ..

    A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman want to get in, but they haven't got tickets.

    The Scotsman picks up a manhole cover, tucks it under his arm and walks to the gate.
    "McTavish, Scotland," he says, "Discus" and in he walks.

    The Englishman picks up a length of scaffolding and slings it over his shoulder.
    "Waddington-Smythe, England " he says, "Pole vault" and in he walks.

    The Irishman looks around and picks up a roll of barbed wire and tucks it under his arm.
    "O'Malley, Ireland " he says, "Fencing."
      My Computer


  9. Posts : 7,538
    Windows 10 64bit/Windows 10 64bit/Windows 10 64bit
       #219

    pebbly said:
    It's 2012 and it's the Olympics in London ..

    A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman want to get in, but they haven't got tickets.

    The Scotsman picks up a manhole cover, tucks it under his arm and walks to the gate.
    "McTavish, Scotland," he says, "Discus" and in he walks.

    The Englishman picks up a length of scaffolding and slings it over his shoulder.
    "Waddington-Smythe, England " he says, "Pole vault" and in he walks.

    The Irishman looks around and picks up a roll of barbed wire and tucks it under his arm.
    "O'Malley, Ireland " he says, "Fencing."
      My Computer


  10. Posts : 644
    Windows 7 home premium x64
       #220

    I don't know why people mock the Irish after all they are sending a rocket to the moon............................as soon as they find a bottle big enough to put the stick in!
      My Computer


 
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