Jokes Thread [3]

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  1. Posts : 4,549
    Windows 8 - 64-bit
       #281

    That's exactly what this thread is all about.. helping us all to enjoy our hard working days..
    laughing out loud when we can here later!!
    Last edited by LADYPINKtomato1; 18 Feb 2012 at 14:54.
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  2. Posts : 4,549
    Windows 8 - 64-bit
       #282

    New . . . For Senior Travel and over crowded nursing homes.

    I did not know this...

    When you drink vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure.
    When you drink rum over ice, it can give you liver failure.

    When you drink whiskey over ice, it can give you heart
    problems.
    When you drink gin over ice, it can give you brain problems.

    Apparently, ice is really bad for you.
    Warn all your friends.
    I have mine ordered.
    Attachment 198917
    Last edited by LADYPINKtomato1; 18 Apr 2012 at 15:25.
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  3. Posts : 7,730
    Windows 7 Ultimate SP1 64-Bit
       #283

    Statiticians say that one in four of us will suffer from mental health problems at some time in our life.

    If you are in a group of four and the other three appear to be perfectly sane and normal it must be you! :)
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  4. Posts : 25,847
    Windows 10 Pro. 64/ version 1709 Windows 7 Pro/64
       #284

    Nice one Lady. I have been telling people you years ice is fating so if you don't want to gain weight drink your booze UP/NEAT.
    Last edited by Layback Bear; 18 Feb 2012 at 10:46.
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  5. Posts : 6,244
    win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
       #285

    Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to show them what’s happened. A Detective Inspector is sent and is taken straight to the first body.

    "Englishman, 60, died of heart failure whilst making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile Inspector", says the Coroner.

    The DI is taken to the second dead man. "Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."

    The DI is taken to the last body. "Ah" says the coroner, "this is the most unusual one. Irishman 30, struck by lightning."
    "Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector.
    "Thought he was having his picture taken," replies the coroner.
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  6. Posts : 6,244
    win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
       #286

    Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady standing at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.

    After a week of this, she can’t stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a supervisor in the personnel department and states that she wants to lodge a sexual harassment grievance against him.

    The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled by this decision and asks, "What’s sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?"

    The woman replies, "It’s Keith, the dwarf."
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  7. Posts : 6,244
    win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
       #287

    A chap asks a prostitute for business and she tells him it’s $20. "Fine" he says, "but I’m a bit kinky". She agrees that this is OK as long as he doesn’t do anything violent.

    They get back to her flat and he gets out four big springs attached to some straps.

    "I want you to put one of these on each elbow and one on each knee" he asks.

    The prostitute is worried that she’s getting into something a bit heavy, but she goes along with his request. Then she is told to get down on all fours, naked, in front of him which she does grudgingly.

    Then he asks her to start bouncing up and down on the springs and finally he takes duck call whistle from his pocket. "Blow on this while I’m shagging you" he tells her.

    So he’s banging away at her from behind while she’s bouncing on the springs blowing the duck whistle. Suddenly she starts to enjoy the screwing, so much so in fact that she experiences the most fantastic orgasm she’s ever had.

    After they’ve finished she says "Wow, that was the most fantastic sex I’ve had in 25 years on the game, how the hell did you make it so good?"

    "Ah," he replies, "Four spring Duck Technique"
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  8. Posts : 25,847
    Windows 10 Pro. 64/ version 1709 Windows 7 Pro/64
       #288

    Lucky dwarf.
    ----------------------
    Just for information, the knee springs should be a little longer that the elbow springs.
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  9. Posts : 4,549
    Windows 8 - 64-bit
       #289

    UPDATE.. the Queen has her new wheels.
    Attachment 198948
    This is just a joke.. not to offend anyone.
    Last edited by LADYPINKtomato1; 18 Apr 2012 at 15:25.
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  10. Posts : 3,960
    W7 x64
       #290

    pebbly said:
    "Thought he was having his picture taken," replies the coroner.
    pebbly said:
    "It’s Keith, the dwarf."
    pebbly said:
    "Four spring Duck Technique"
    Who on earth thinks up all these quips...

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