Jokes Thread [3]

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  1. Posts : 7,730
    Windows 7 Ultimate SP1 64-Bit

    Agree with the lot - I'm old enough to have all of them happen to me. :)
      My Computer

  2. Posts : 7,730
    Windows 7 Ultimate SP1 64-Bit

    The Irish Bingo Caller

    Paddy lost his job on a building site and went to the job centre to see what was going.

    The first card he read was asking for a bingo caller so he thought he'd have a crack at it.

    "Have you had any experience?" asked the bingo hall manager.

    "No," replied Paddy, "but I'm a quick learner."

    "It's quite simple," said the manager. "Here, I'll give you a demonstration. Six and six, all the sixes, clickety-click. Two and two, all the twos, two little ducks."

    "Oi, that's easy," replied Paddy. "Let me show show you. Six and six, all the sixes, clickety-click. Two and two, all the twos, two little ducks. Six and two, sixty-two, clickety-duck!"
      My Computer

  3. Posts : 4,549
    Windows 8 - 64-bit

    This has to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department..............
    Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for 'Termination without Cause.'

    Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.
    (Now I know why they record these conversations!):

    Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'
    Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect ..'
    Operator: 'What sort of trouble?'
    Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'
    Operator: 'Went away?'
    Caller: 'They disappeared'
    Operator: 'Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?'
    Caller: 'Nothing.'
    Operator: 'Nothing??'
    Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'
    Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?'
    Caller: 'How do I tell?'
    Operator: 'Can you see the 'C: prompt' on the screen?'
    Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?'
    Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'
    Caller: 'There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I type..'
    Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator?'
    Caller: 'What's a monitor?'
    Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.
    Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?'
    Caller: 'I don't know.'
    Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where
    the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'
    Caller: 'Yes, I think so.'
    Opera tor: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's
    plugged into the wall..
    Caller: 'Yes, it is.'
    Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that
    there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one? '
    Caller: 'No.'
    Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and
    find the other cable.'
    Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'
    Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into
    the back of your computer..'
    Caller: 'I can't reach.'
    Operator: 'OK. Well, can you see if it is?'
    Caller: 'No...'
    Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?'
    Caller: 'Well, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's because it's dark.'
    Operator: 'Dark?'
    Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is
    coming in from the window.'
    Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'
    Caller: 'I can't..'
    Operator: 'No? Why not?'
    Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.'
    Operator: 'A power .... A power failure? Aha. Okay, we've got it
    licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and
    packing stuff that your computer came in?'
    Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet..'
    Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it
    up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to
    the store you bought it from.'
    Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'
    Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'
    Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?'
    Operator: 'Tell them you're too damned stupid to own a computer!'
      My Computer

  4. Posts : 54,527
    Windows 10 Home x64
    Thread Starter

    Lol, that's a oldie, not apparently true, but a good read none the less :)

    A Guy
      My Computer

  5. Posts : 6,668
    Windows 7 x64

    It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds..
    As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two little old ladies sitting in a used car..

    He stopped and asked them why they were sitting there in the car or were they trying to steal it?

    'Heavens no, we bought it.'

    'Then why don't you drive it away.'

    We can't drive.'

    Then why did you buy it?'

    'We were told that if we bought a Used car here
    We'd get screwed we're just waiting.

      My Computer

  6. Posts : 7,730
    Windows 7 Ultimate SP1 64-Bit


    An 86-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.

    The Receptionist asked, "Yes Sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?"

    "There's something wrong with my dick", he replied.

    The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that!"

    "Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.

    The Receptionist replied; "Now you've caused embarrassment in front of the other patients in the waiting room. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private."

    The man replied, "You shouldn't ask people personal questions, if the answer could embarrass anyone".

    The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.

    The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"

    "There's something wrong with my ear", he stated.

    The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had obviously taken her advice. "And what's wrong with your ear Sir?"

    "I can't pee out of it."
    Last edited by seavixen32; 01 Apr 2012 at 14:43. Reason: Spelling error
      My Computer

  7. Posts : 7,730
    Windows 7 Ultimate SP1 64-Bit

    A wife texted her husband: "windows freezing."

    Husband texted back: "use a bucket of warm water then."

    Wife texted in return: " Well, that's the computer f****d!"
      My Computer

  8. Posts : 9,537
    Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit

    seavixen32 said:
    A wife texted her husband: "windows freezing."

    Husband texted back: "use a bucket of warm water then."

    Wife texted in return: " Well, that's the computer f****d!"

    At least he got his Windows cleaned!
      My Computer

  9. Posts : 7,538
    Windows 10 64bit/Windows 10 64bit/Windows 10 64bit

      My Computer

  10. Posts : 7,730
    Windows 7 Ultimate SP1 64-Bit

    On the other hand, it could be curtains for Windows................I'll get my coat.
      My Computer

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