Jokes Thread [3]

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  1. Posts : 9,537
    Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit

    Subject: History Of The Middle Finger

    I am so much more in the know than I was, so interesting. I never knew this before, and now that I know it, I feel compelled to send it on to my more intelligent friends in the hope that they, too, will feel edified. Isn't history more fun when you know something about it?
    Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating victory over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of all captured English archers. Without the middle finger it would be impossible to draw the renowned English longbow and therefore they would be incapable of fighting in the future. This famous English longbow was made of the native English Yew tree, and the act of drawing the
    longbow was known as 'plucking the yew' (or 'pluck yew').

    Much to the bewilderment of the French, the English won a major upset and began mocking the French by waving their middle fingers at the defeated French, saying, See, we can still pluck yew! Since 'pluck yew' is rather difficult to say, the difficult consonant cluster at the beginning has gradually changed to a labiodentals fricative F', and thus the words often used in conjunction with the one-finger-salute! It is also because of the pheasant feathers on the arrows used with the longbow that the symbolic gesture is known as 'giving the bird.'
    And yew thought yew knew every plucking thing
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  2. Posts : 12,120
    Win 7 Pro x64 / Win 10 Pro

    Apple Family
    Jokes Thread [3]-image001.jpg
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  3. Posts : 1,800
    Windows 7 Pro x64 SP1

    This is terrible but funny.
    Skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him.
    The big guy sees the little guy staring at him looks down and says: "7 feet tall, 350 pounds,
    20 inch private, 3 pound testicles, Turner Brown."
    The white man faints and falls to the floor.
    The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him.
    The big guy says: "What's wrong with you?"
    In a weak voice the little guy says, "What EXACTLY did you say to me?"
    The big dude says: "I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers
    to the questions everyone always asks me.....
    I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch private, my testicles
    weighs 3 pounds each, and my name is Turner Brown."
    The small guy says: "Turner Brown?!...Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, "Turn around "
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  4. Posts : 4,549
    Windows 8 - 64-bit

    Places I've been : Observation

    I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.

    I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.

    I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family and work.

    I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump , and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.

    I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.

    I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.

    Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.

    One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!
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  5. Posts : 53,668
    Windows 10 Home x64
    Thread Starter

    Good one M'Lady :)

    A Guy
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  6. Posts : 9,537
    Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit

    Football and the Blonde

    Of all the blonde jokes, this one has to be one the best -- because it makes football make sense!

    A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench.
    After the game, he asked her how she liked it.
    "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't
    understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."

    Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, "What do you mean?"
    "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was... 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!"
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  7. Posts : 7,730
    Windows 7 Ultimate SP1 64-Bit

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  8. Posts : 4,549
    Windows 8 - 64-bit

    seavixen32 said:
    WOW Dennis this is one of the best all time blonde jokes.. lol
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  9. Posts : 9,537
    Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit

    LADYPINKtomato1 said:
    seavixen32 said:
    WOW Dennis this is one of the best all time blonde jokes.. lol

    How to give a quarterback.........................2 dimes and a nickel!
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  10. Posts : 6,350
    Windows7 Pro 64bit SP-1; Windows XP Pro 32bit

    This is the new Miss Kentucky and the picture that will stay with her for the rest of her life:
    Make-up and hair style ................... $500
    New dress for the show ................$700
    Giant stuffed bear ........................... $300

    Not knowing how to hold the bear with a microphone in her hand.......Priceless!!!
    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails Jokes Thread [3]-priceless.png  
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