Jokes Thread [3]

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  1. Posts : 7,781
    Win 7 32 Home Premium, Win 7 64 Pro, Win 8.1, Win 10
       #651

    I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.
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  2. Posts : 6,350
    Windows7 Pro 64bit SP-1; Windows XP Pro 32bit
       #652

    Borg 386 said:
    I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.
    Now if you can just learn to catch it without using your head.

    A boomerang is not a football.
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  3. Posts : 10,994
    Win 7 Pro 64-bit
       #653

    My apologies to all. But Borg made me do it!

    1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says: “I’m sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger.

    2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.

    3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it, too.

    4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.”

    5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during the root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

    6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby bragging about their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of his office and asked them to disperse. But why? they asked, as they moved off. Because, he said, I can’t stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

    7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named Ahmal. The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him Juan. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.

    8. These friars were behind in their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to persuade them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he’d be back if they didn’t close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

    9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him . . . wait for it . . . A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

    10. And finally, there was this person who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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  4. Posts : 6,350
    Windows7 Pro 64bit SP-1; Windows XP Pro 32bit
       #654

    marsmimar said:
    My apologies to all.
    Texans always claim everything in Texas is bigger.

    Now it has been proven even the bad jokes are bigger.

    You have earned a new honor for the Naughty Step. Under it.
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  5. Posts : 10,994
    Win 7 Pro 64-bit
       #655

    Why thank you, Mike.

    Any recognition by you is always an honor!
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  6. Posts : 6,350
    Windows7 Pro 64bit SP-1; Windows XP Pro 32bit
       #656

    marsmimar said:
    Why thank you, Mike.

    Any recognition by you is always an honor!
    You are entirely welcome.

    I only honor those who have earned them.
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  7. Posts : 4,549
    Windows 8 - 64-bit
       #657

    Are we seeing history making a full circle ?

    This cartoon was in the Chicago Tribune in 1934.
    Look carefully at the plan of action in the lower left corner.
    Attachment 216535

    "Those who forget history are doomed to repeat it."
    So We return to yesteryear.. We didn't learn the history lesson
    Last edited by LADYPINKtomato1; 21 Jan 2013 at 18:25.
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  8. Posts : 4,549
    Windows 8 - 64-bit
       #658

    Fathers Day Joke

    Fainting

    The man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto the porch. Someone called 911.
    When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint.
    “It was enough to make anybody faint,” he said. “My son asked me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out, he came out with the lawn mower!”



    BTW it is rumoured that father’s day causes confusion in a certain community.
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  9. Posts : 25,847
    Windows 10 Pro. 64/ version 1709 Windows 7 Pro/64
       #659

    So confused are so many they celebrate for days on end.
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  10. Posts : 6,350
    Windows7 Pro 64bit SP-1; Windows XP Pro 32bit
       #660

    LADYPINKtomato1 said:
    Fathers Day Joke


    BTW it is rumoured that father’s day causes confusion in a certain community.
    Layback Bear said:
    So confused are so many they celebrate for days on end.
    M'Lady seems as you snagged one.
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