Jokes Thread [3]

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  1. Posts : 2,686
    Windows 8.1 Pro w/Media Center 64bit, Windows 7 HP 64bit
       #691
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  2. Posts : 2,686
    Windows 8.1 Pro w/Media Center 64bit, Windows 7 HP 64bit
       #692

    When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a park bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong.

    She said, 'I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee.'

    He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love to me for half the afternoon.

    For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m.

    I said, 'Well, why in the world would you be crying?'

    She said, 'I can't remember where I live!'

    Jim
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  3. Posts : 710
    Win7 Pro x64
       #693

    Jokes Thread [3]-haircut_arrest.jpg

    ...what.
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  4. Posts : 259
    Win7 sp1 Pro 64bit / XP sp2 Pro (games only)
       #694

    Two drops please


    A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says, "I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today."

    The bartender says, "Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me."

    As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says,"I would like to buy you a drink, too."

    The old woman says, "Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water."

    "Coming up," says the bartender.

    As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, "I would like to buy you one, too."

    The old woman says, "Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water."

    "Coming right up," the bartender says. As he gives her the drink, he says, "Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?"

    The old woman replies, "Sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how to hold your liquor. Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue

    Cut&paste from an RV forum Art.
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  5. Posts : 53,666
    Windows 10 Home x64
    Thread Starter
       #695
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  6. Posts : 6,350
    Windows7 Pro 64bit SP-1; Windows XP Pro 32bit
       #696

    Almost as poetic as Romeo and Juliet.
    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails Jokes Thread [3]-redneck-love-poem.png  
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  7. Posts : 2,241
    Windows 7 Professional 32-bit (6.1, Build 7600)
       #697

    Heart touching and sort of brings a tear to your eye...
    ---
    Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
    ---
    Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
    Last edited by BlackSparrow; 25 Jun 2012 at 21:34. Reason: Forgot to separate top like and jokes D:
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  8. Posts : 208
    Windows 7 64 bit
       #698

    Getting a Hairdryer Through Customs.

    An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favour?' '
    'Of course child. What may I do for you?'
    'Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Hide it
    under your Robes perhaps?'
    'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie.'
    'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'
    When they got to Customs, she let the priest go first.
    The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?'
    'From the top of my head down to my waist I have nothing to declare.'
    The official thought this answer strange, so asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?
    'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.'
    Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father. Next please!'

    Found on another forum
    Last edited by beauparc; 26 Jun 2012 at 16:42. Reason: formatting
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  9. Posts : 208
    Windows 7 64 bit
       #699

    In the world of hi-tech gadgetry, I've noticed that more and more people who send text messages and e-mails have long forgotten the art of capital letters.

    For those of you who fall into this category, please take note of the following statement:

    "Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse, and helping your uncle jack off a horse."



    Is everybody clear on that?
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  10. Posts : 6,350
    Windows7 Pro 64bit SP-1; Windows XP Pro 32bit
       #700

    beauparc said:

    Is everybody clear on that?
    5% of us are clear.

    25%- Clear on what?

    25%- Who is Uncle Jack?

    25%- My uncle has a horse named Jack?

    20%- Someone fell off a horse?

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