Jokes Thread [3]

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  1. Posts : 2,072
    Windows 7 x64 Professional SP1
       #721

    A pair of chickens walk up to the circulation desk at a public library and say, 'Buk Buk BUK.' The librarian decides that the chickens desire three books, and gives it to them...and the chickens leave shortly thereafter.

    Around midday, the two chickens return to the circulation desk quite vexed and say,' Buk Buk BuKKOOK!' The librarian decides that the chickens desire another three books and gives it to them. The chickens leave as before.

    The two chickens return to the library in the early afternoon, approach the librarian, looking very annoyed and say, 'Buk Buk Buk Buk Bukkooook!' The librarian is now a little suspicious of these chickens. She gives them what they request, and decides to follow them.

    She followed them out of the library, out of the town, and to a park. At this point, she hid behind a tree, not wanting to be seen. She saw the two chickens throwing the books at a frog in a pond, to which the frog was saying, "Rrredit Rrredit Rrredit..."

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  2. Posts : 2,241
    Windows 7 Professional 32-bit (6.1, Build 7600)
       #722

    solarmystic said:
    A pair of chickens walk up to the circulation desk at a public library and say, 'Buk Buk BUK.' The librarian decides that the chickens desire three books, and gives it to them...and the chickens leave shortly thereafter.

    Around midday, the two chickens return to the circulation desk quite vexed and say,' Buk Buk BuKKOOK!' The librarian decides that the chickens desire another three books and gives it to them. The chickens leave as before.

    The two chickens return to the library in the early afternoon, approach the librarian, looking very annoyed and say, 'Buk Buk Buk Buk Bukkooook!' The librarian is now a little suspicious of these chickens. She gives them what they request, and decides to follow them.

    She followed them out of the library, out of the town, and to a park. At this point, she hid behind a tree, not wanting to be seen. She saw the two chickens throwing the books at a frog in a pond, to which the frog was saying, "Rrredit Rrredit Rrredit..."

    best joke I've heard in years xD
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  3. Posts : 2,072
    Windows 7 x64 Professional SP1
       #723

    Feline Physics Laws...


    Law of Cat Inertia

    A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.

    Law of Cat Motion

    A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.

    Law of Cat Magnetism

    All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.

    Law of Cat Thermodynamics

    Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.

    Law of Cat Stretching

    A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.

    Law of Cat Sleeping

    All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved, and as comfortable as possible for the cat.

    Law of Cat Elongation

    A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.

    Law of Cat Obstruction

    A cat must lay on the floor in such a position to obstruct the maximum amount of human foot traffic.

    Law of Cat Acceleration

    A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.
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  4. Posts : 259
    Win7 sp1 Pro 64bit / XP sp2 Pro (games only)
       #724

    And you might add one more under "Cat owners"

    Cats do not have owners ....... Cats have STAFF !

    Art.
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  5. Posts : 2,072
    Windows 7 x64 Professional SP1
       #725

    Feline Physics Laws continued....


    Law of Dinner Table Attendance

    Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.

    Law of Rug Configuration


    No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.

    Law of Obedience Resistance


    A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do something.

    First Law of Energy Conservation


    Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.

    Second Law of Energy Conservation


    Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.

    Law of Refrigerator Observation


    If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.

    Law of Electric Blanket Attraction


    Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.

    Law of Random Comfort Seeking


    A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.

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  6. Posts : 25,847
    Windows 10 Pro. 64/ version 1709 Windows 7 Pro/64
       #726

    Sounds like my cat. Law of Electricity.
    Cats will claw you if when they are laying on your lap static electricity is created.
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  7. Posts : 710
    Win7 Pro x64
       #727

    You know those styrofoam packaging peanut thingies used to pad boxes?

    1. Abduct neighbour's cat
    2. Rub cat vigorously
    3. Pour those styrofoam peanuts over cat
    4. ????
    5. PROFIT

    Jokes Thread [3]-cat_styrofoam.jpg

    Neighbour: *shakes container of cat food* "Here kitty, kit-- OH MY GOD"
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  8. Posts : 2,171
    Windows 7 Ultimate x64
       #728

    Check out that cat's face. Is he sporting that "What the f---?" look?
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  9. Posts : 2,072
    Windows 7 x64 Professional SP1
       #729

    Trucidation's procedures and subsequent observations are a validation of Layback Bear's Cat Law of Electricity.

    *Added into the upcoming continuation of Feline Physics Laws...*
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  10. Posts : 6,350
    Windows7 Pro 64bit SP-1; Windows XP Pro 32bit
       #730

    Anyone want to play the peanut game with me? Meow?

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