Jokes Thread [3]

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  1. Posts : 4,549
    Windows 8 - 64-bit
       #741
    Last edited by LADYPINKtomato1; 21 Jan 2013 at 18:25.
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  2. Posts : 710
    Win7 Pro x64
       #742



    A beautiful lady is about to undergo an operation. She's laid on a rolling bed by the nurse and brought to the corridor. Before they enter the room, the nurse leaves the lady outside the surgery room door to go in and check whether everything is ready.

    A young man wearing a white coat approaches, takes the sheet away and starts examining the patient's naked body. He walks away and talks to another man in a white coat. The second man comes over and does the same examinations.

    When a third man starts examining her body, the lady grows impatient and says, "Well doctors, when are we going inside to start the operation?"

    The first man in the white coat shrugs his shoulders and drawls, "Ta, no idea, luv. We're just 'ere to paint the corridor."
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  3. Posts : 2,072
    Windows 7 x64 Professional SP1
       #743

    He is a very smart dog


    I went to the cinema the other day and in the front row was an old man and with him was his dog. It was a sad funny kind of film, you know the type. In the sad part, the dog cried his eyes out, and in the funny part, the dog laughed its head off. This happened all the way through the film. After the film had ended, I decided to go and speak to the man.

    "That's the most amazing thing I've seen," I said. "That dog really seemed to enjoy the film."

    The man turned to me and said, "Yeah, it is. He hated the book."
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  4. Posts : 2,072
    Windows 7 x64 Professional SP1
       #744

    A frog calls a psychic


    Recently, the Psychic Hotline and Psychic Friends Network have launched hotlines for frogs. Here is the story of one frog and his discussing with his psychic.

    A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

    The frog says, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?"

    "No," says the psychic. "Next semester in her biology class."
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  5. Posts : 10,994
    Win 7 Pro 64-bit
       #745

    solarmystic said:
    Recently, the Psychic Hotline and Psychic Friends Network have launched hotlines for frogs. Here is the story of one frog and his discussing with his psychic.

    A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

    The frog says, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?"

    "No," says the psychic. "Next semester in her biology class."


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  6. Posts : 2,072
    Windows 7 x64 Professional SP1
       #746

    A good chess player


    A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while. "I can hardly believe my eyes!" he exclaimed. "That's the smartest dog I've ever seen."

    "Nah, he's not so smart," the friend replied. "I've beaten him three games out of five."
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  7. Posts : 2,072
    Windows 7 x64 Professional SP1
       #747

    The amazing flying dog


    A woman is out looking for a pet, and so she's trying the local pet shops. She walks into a small pet shop and explains her need to the attendant. He thinks for a moment and then says, "I've got just the thing for you madam. I'll just get him."

    With that, he disappears into the back of the shop, and returns a few seconds later with a cute little puppy. "This dog is a special dog," he tells her. "It is able to fly," he explains, and with that throws the dog into the air. It immediately begins to float gracefully around the shop.

    "There is one problem with him, however. Whenever you say 'my', he'll eat whatever you've mentioned. Watch. "My apple!" The lady watches in astonishment as the dog zooms over to the shop attendant and furiously devours an apple he has produced from his pocket.

    "He's cute, and so unusual. I'll take him," she says, and a few minutes later she is on her way back home with dog to show her husband.

    "Darling, look what a clever pet I bought today!" she exclaims when she gets back home. "He can fly!"

    The husband peers at the dog, and then remarks, "Fly eh? Ha! My foot!"
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  8. Posts : 25,847
    Windows 10 Pro. 64/ version 1709 Windows 7 Pro/64
       #748

    Mac assistance (Help) hotline.
    Daddy can you send me another one this one is broke. I sure wish they came in more colors because the last two didn't match my hair color. Lovya Daddy.
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  9. Posts : 2,072
    Windows 7 x64 Professional SP1
       #749

    Two roaches having a discussion


    Two roaches were munching on garbage in an alley when one engages a discussion about a new restaurant.

    "I was in that new restaurant across the street," said one. "It's so clean! The kitchen is spotless, and the floors are gleaming white. There is no dirt anywhere--it's so sanitary that the whole place shines."

    "Please," said the other roach frowning. "Not while I'm eating!"
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  10. Posts : 710
    Win7 Pro x64
       #750

    :)

    A man was in an accident and unfortunately, his penis was chopped off. The victim was rushed to the hospital where the doctor examined him.

    After careful examination the doctor said, "We can replace it with a small size for $2,000, a medium size for $5,000, or an extra-large size for $10,000. I realize it's a lot of money, so take your time and talk it over with your wife."

    When the doctor came back into the room he found the man staring sadly at the floor. "We've decided," the man told him as he choked back tears. "My wife says that she'd rather have a new kitchen."

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