Jokes Thread [3]

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  1. Posts : 6,350
    Windows7 Pro 64bit SP-1; Windows XP Pro 32bit
       #791

    It is worth a new run for the "youngsters".
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  2. Posts : 3,822
    Windows10 Pro - 64Bit vs.10547
       #792

    a cannibal is eating a comedian..
    - suddenly he stops and says, "This tastes funny.."

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  3. Posts : 10,994
    Win 7 Pro 64-bit
       #793

    A jungle explorer was in a pot of boiling water. Two cannibal children were
    playing catch with him.

    The mother yells at the children: "How many times have I told you . . . stop
    playing with your food??!!?"
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  4. Posts : 80
    Windows 7 Professional 64 bit Service Pack 1
       #794

    There were three men who were lost in the forest. They were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass the trial. The first step of the trial was to go into the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.

    The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples."

    The king then explains the trial to him-you have to shove the fruits up your ass without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten.

    The first apple went in...but on the second one he winced in pain, so he was killed and went to heaven.

    The second guy arrives with ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him, he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...but on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter, therefore also was killed.

    The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?"

    The second one replied, "I couldn't help it. I saw the third guy coming with pineapples."
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  5. Posts : 53,663
    Windows 10 Home x64
    Thread Starter
       #795

    A blond calls her husband at work one day and asks him, "Can you help me when you get home?"

    "Sure," he replies. "What's the problem?"

    "Well,I started a really hard puzzle and I can't even find the edge pieces."

    "Look on the box," he said. "There's always a picture of what the puzzle is."

    "It's a big rooster," she said.

    The husband arrives home and tells his wife, "Okay, put the corn flakes back in the box."

    A Guy
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  6. Posts : 6,244
    win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
       #796

    A chemist walks back into his shop after a short break and sees a man leaning against the wall.

    "What's wrong with him?" he asks his assistant

    "He came in for cough syrup but I couldn't find any so I gave him an entire bottle of laxatives" replied the assistant.

    "You f----kn idiot" exclaims the chemist, "you can't treat a cough with laxatives"

    "Of course you can" replies the assistant, "look at him, he's too f---kn scared to cough"
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  7. Posts : 6,244
    win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
       #797

    Two IRISHMEN were looking at a mail order catalogue and admiring the models.
    One says to the other,
    'Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalogue?'
    The second one replies, 'Yes, they are very beautiful.
    And look at the price!'


    The first one says, with wide eyes, 'Wow, they aren't very expensive. At this price, I'm buying one.'


    The second one smiles and pats him on the back.
    'Good idea! Order one and if she's as beautiful
    as she is in the catalogue, I will get one too.'


    Three weeks later the youngest IRISHMAN asks his pal, 'Did you ever receive the girl you ordered from the catalogue?'


    The second IRISHMAN replies......
    'No, but it shouldn't be long now. She sent all her clothes yesterday’
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  8. Posts : 6,244
    win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
       #798

    After landing my new job as a B&Q greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day ......About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, decidedly

    unattractive, woman walked into the store along with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.


    I then said, "Nice children you have there. Are they twins?"

    The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, "Don't be effing stupid. Of course they aren't twins.

    The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind,

    or just stupid?"


    I replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid, Madam. I just couldn't believe someone sh****d you twice.

    Have a good day and thank you for shopping at B&Q."

    My Supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.
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  9. Posts : 80
    Windows 7 Professional 64 bit Service Pack 1
       #799

    Warning: Dirty Joke Ahead


    Top 10 things WOMEN would do if they woke up and had a penis for a day:

    10. Get ahead faster in corporate America.
    9. Get a blow job.
    8. Find out what is so fascinating about beating the meat.
    7. Pee standing up while talking to other men at a urinal about sports, cars and money.
    6. Determine WHY you can't hit the bowl consistently.
    5. Find out what it's like to be on the other end of a surging orgasm.
    4. Touch/shift yourself in public without thought to how improper it may seem.
    3. Jump up and down naked with an erection to see if it feels as funny as it looks.
    2. Understand the scientific reason for the light refraction which occurs between a man's eyes and the ruler situated next to his member which causes two inches to be added to the final measurement.
    1. Repeat number 9.
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  10. Posts : 1,606
    Windows `10 Professional 64bit
       #800

    The Howling Wolves said:
    A Guy said:
    The Howling Wolves said:
    Funny and Geeky Cool Pics [2]

    A Guy

    A Guy,
    I am always a day late and a dollar short.........that's what happens when you get
    up there in years like me....
    You mean I have that to look forward to?
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