Jokes Thread [3]

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  1. Posts : 2,241
    Windows 7 Professional 32-bit (6.1, Build 7600)

    BrightBlessings said:
    An engineer, a physicist, and a statistician were moose hunting in northern Canada. After a short walk through the marshes they spotted a HUGE moose, 150 meters away. The engineer raised his gun and fired at the moose. A puff of dust showed that the bullet landed 3 meters to the right of the moose.
    The physicist, realizing that there was a substantial breeze that the engineer did not account for, aimed to the left of the moose and fired. The bullet landed 3 meters to the left of the moose.
    The statistician jumped up and down screaming, "We got him! We got him!"
    They did 'hit' the moose alright .
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  2. Posts : 423
    Win7 64bit Ult

    1.Computers are like air conditioners, they stop working properly if you open Windows

    2.In a world without walls and fences - who needs windows and gates?!

    3.Windows is true multitasking... it can bootup and crash at the same time!
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  3. Posts : 2,241
    Windows 7 Professional 32-bit (6.1, Build 7600)

    Nice jokes Dan
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  4. Posts : 4,549
    Windows 8 - 64-bit

    Father O'Malley
    Father O'Malley, an Irish priest, was transferred to Texas. It was a fine spring day in his new Texas mission parish. He arose from his bed one morning and walked to the window to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. To his surprise he noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn.

    He promptly called the local police station. The conversation went like this:

    "Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?"

    "And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Ann's Catholic Church. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o'yer lads to take care of the matter?"

    Sergeant Jones, being a Lutheran and considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk, "Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!"

    There was dead silence on the line for a long moment.......

    Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye, 'tis certainly true. But we are also obliged to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for me call!"
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  5. Posts : 208
    Windows 7 64 bit

    My wife told me to go out and get some of those pills that will help me get an erection.

    You should have seen her face when I came back and tossed her some diet pills.

    I'm looking for a place to live, can you help me?
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  6. Posts : 423
    Win7 64bit Ult

    How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
    Marry It!
    How can you tell if your wife is dead?
    The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.
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  7. Posts : 4,549
    Windows 8 - 64-bit

    The Black Bra (as told by a woman)

    I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends.
    One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years.

    We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.
    Here's how it all went.
    My engaged friend:The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams...I love you.' Then we made passionate love all night long.
    The mistress:Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but he started to tremble and we had wild sex all night.

    Then I had to share my story:When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. When he came in the door and saw me he said,

    (you are going to love this..)

    " What's for dinner, Zorro?"
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  8. Posts : 1,606
    Windows `10 Professional 64bit

    heh heh heh

    Good one!
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  9. Posts : 25,847
    Windows 10 Pro. 64/ version 1709 Windows 7 Pro/64

    That's just great Zorro. Should of added a whip.
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  10. Posts : 4,549
    Windows 8 - 64-bit

    No whip.. but I do have a mask !!!

    Attachment 231628
    Last edited by LADYPINKtomato1; 21 Jan 2013 at 19:24.
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