Jokes Thread [3]

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  1. Posts : 423
    Win7 64bit Ult
       #971

    BEST DIVORCE LETTER EVER
    Dear Wife,
    Iím writing you this letter to tell you that Iím leaving you forever. Iíve been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. ... Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didnít even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You donít tell me you love me anymore; you donít want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either youíre cheating on me or you donít love me anymore; whatever the case, Iím gone.

    Your EX-Husband


    P.S. donít try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

    Dear Ex-Husband
    Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. Itís true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what youíve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping Too bad that doesnít work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ĎYou look just like a girl!í Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you canít say something nice, I didnít comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone.. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you wonít get a dime from me. So take care.

    Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!

    P.S. I donít know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope thatís not a problem.
      My Computer


  2. Posts : 25,847
    Windows 10 Pro. 64/ version 1709 Windows 7 Pro/64
       #972

    Trevers some have all the luck. He get Carla and Carl all in one package and it only cost him 10 million.
      My Computer


  3. Posts : 9,537
    Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
       #973

    Idle Thoughts Of A
    Retiree's Wandering Mind:

    ********************

    I had amnesia
    once---or twice
    ********************



    I went to San
    Francisco .
    I found someone's heart. Now what?


    ********************

    Protons have mass?
    I didn't even know they were Catholic.
    ********************



    All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me
    happy
    ********************

    If the world were
    a logical place,
    men would be the ones who ride horses sidesaddle.


    ********************

    What is a "free" gift?
    Aren't all gifts free?
    ********************



    They told me I was gullible
    and I believed them.


    ********************

    Teach a child to be
    polite and courteous in the home
    and, when he grows up,
    he'll
    never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.


    ********************

    Experience is the thing
    you have left
    when everything else is gone.


    ********************

    One nice thing about
    egotists:
    they don't talk about other people.


    ********************

    My weight is perfect
    for my height--
    which varies.
    ********************



    I used to be indecisive.
    Now I'm not sure.


    ********************

    How can there be
    self-help "groups"?
    ********************

    If
    swimming is so good for your figure,
    how do you explain whales?


    ********************

    Show me a man with both
    feet firmly on the ground,
    and I'll show you a man who can't get
    his pants off.
    ********************

    Is it me
    --or
    do buffalo wings taste like chicken?
    ********************

    "If I wasn't so darn modest I'd be perfect!"
      My Computer


  4. Posts : 469
    Win 7 home premium 32 bit
       #974

    one person used to work on 12th floor

    one day a person came and said gul zaman

    your daughter has ran away with some boy

    on hearing this person jumped from 12th floor

    when he reached 8th floor, he remember that he dont have a daughter

    when he reached 4th floor, he remember that he is not married

    when he reached 1st floor, his name is not gul zaman
      My Computer


  5. Posts : 2,686
    Windows 8.1 Pro w/Media Center 64bit, Windows 7 HP 64bit
       #975

    When you get old you loose three of you faculties.

    The first is Memory.

    I don't remember the other two.

    Jim
      My Computer


  6. Posts : 2,241
    Windows 7 Professional 32-bit (6.1, Build 7600)
       #976

    Phone Man said:
    When you get old you loose three of you faculties.

    The first is Memory.

    I don't remember the other two.

    Jim
    Nice one xD
      My Computer


  7. Posts : 4,549
    Windows 8 - 64-bit
       #977

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Psychology or Law ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    **** **** **** A guy asked a girl in a library:* "Do you mind if I sit beside you?''* The girl replied in a loud voice:* "I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!!!"** * All the students in the library started staring at the guy, he was embarrassed. After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table and said:* "I study psychology and I know what a man is thinking, I guess you felt embarrassed right?''** * The guy responded with a loud voice: *'$'500 FOR ONE NIGHT THAT'S TOO MUCH!!''** * All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock. The guy whispered in her ears:* "I study Law and I know how to make someone feel guilty....!"*****
      My Computer


  8. Posts : 53,666
    Windows 10 Home x64
    Thread Starter
       #978

    LADYPINKtomato1 said:
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Psychology or Law ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    **** **** **** A guy asked a girl in a library:* "Do you mind if I sit beside you?''* The girl replied in a loud voice:* "I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!!!"** * All the students in the library started staring at the guy, he was embarrassed. After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table and said:* "I study psychology and I know what a man is thinking, I guess you felt embarrassed right?''** * The guy responded with a loud voice: *'$'500 FOR ONE NIGHT THAT'S TOO MUCH!!''** * All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock. The guy whispered in her ears:* "I study Law and I know how to make someone feel guilty....!"*****
    I swear...I was never in that library!

    Good one M'Lady

    A Guy
      My Computer


  9. Posts : 4,549
    Windows 8 - 64-bit
       #979

    OHHHH great A Guy.. sure glad that wasn't you......lol....
      My Computer


  10. Posts : 472
    Windows 7 x64 SP1
       #980

    LADYPINKtomato1 said:
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Psychology or Law ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    **** **** **** A guy asked a girl in a library:* "Do you mind if I sit beside you?''* The girl replied in a loud voice:* "I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!!!"** * All the students in the library started staring at the guy, he was embarrassed. After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table and said:* "I study psychology and I know what a man is thinking, I guess you felt embarrassed right?''** * The guy responded with a loud voice: *'$'500 FOR ONE NIGHT THAT'S TOO MUCH!!''** * All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock. The guy whispered in her ears:* "I study Law and I know how to make someone feel guilty....!"*****
      My Computer


 
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