Jokes Thread [3]

I'm surprised that there's any more room on it whilst you, Dennis, and Mike are still sat there!

We have room for you on the naughty step. Ey up!

You can sit 'tween Dennis and Topper.
Dennis still has a wee bit of problem with the mange.

There's definitely not enough room if Topper is also sat there!

Dwarf said:

There's definitely not enough room if Topper is also sat there!

Ah, but it is an entire staircase and the three of you get the bottom step.

I'm sitting with Pebbly above and up wind.

topper aint that big

Where's my Dwarfy pooh?

Topper

Vampire Bats:

A bat flies back into the cave with his mouth covered in blood, all the other bats are amazed and are asking him non stop where he got the blood, they want that much too!

After a while he gives in and flies out,they all eagerly follow him, about 2 minutes in he says to them all "see that low hanging tree branch up ahead?"

"Yes!!" They all replied.

He says : "Well I didn't". . .

Haha, ouch. Ok, here's another one:

A man wakes up one morning with the filthiest hangover and no recollection of the night before. Slowly opening his eyes, he sees a bottle of aspirin and a glass of water on the bedside table.

He looks around the room to find his clothes are on the dresser, neatly folded, with a clean shirt on top. The bedroom is immaculate. On the bedside table is a note, which says, 'Darling, your breakfast is in the kitchen. I love you.'

Downstairs, he finds his favourite cereal, croissants, fresh OJ and freshly brewed coffee laid out waiting for him, along with the morning paper - and his 15-year-old son, who is finishing his own breakfast.

'Tell me, son,' he asks, 'what happened last night?'

'Well,' says the boy, 'you came home so blind drunk you didn't even know your own name. You nearly broke the door down, then you were sick in the hallway, then you knocked the furniture over and when Mum tried to calm you down, you thought she was the police, so you gave her a black eye.'

'Christ!' says the man. 'Then how come my clothes are all folded, the house is tidy and my breakfast is ready?'

'When Mum dragged you into the bedroom and tried to get your trousers off to put you into bed, you shouted at her, 'Get your filthy hands off me, you whore, I'm married!' '

-
Isn't that just romantic