New
#991
haha........ YOU are sooo bad !!!!!
Dating ads for Seniors
My favorite....
MINT CONDITION: Male, 1932 model, high mileage, good condition, some
hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves. Isn't in
running condition, but walks well.
More Senior jokes....
ROMANCE....SENIOR-STYLE
An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was almost asleep, but the wife
was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.
She siad, 'You used o hold my hand when we were courting.'
Wearily, he reached across, held her hand for a moment and tried to get back to sleep.
A few moments later, she said, 'Then you used to kiss me.'
Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to
sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said, Then you used to bited my neck.'
Angrily, he threw back the covers and got out of bed.
'Where are you going,' she asked.
'TO GET MY TEETH!
When her husband passed away, the wife put the usual death notice in the newspaper, but added that he had died of gonorrhoea. Once the daily newspapers had been delivered, a good friend of the family phoned and complained bitterly, "You know very well that he died of diarrhoea, not gonorrhoea." Replied the widow, "Yes, I know that he died of diarrhoea, but I thought it would be better for posterity to remember him as a great lover rather than the big sh*t that he really was."
A priest and a Hindu are having breakfast when the priest says "I can see an image of Jesus in the margarine on my toast."The Hindu says "I can't believe it's not Buddha."
I'll get my coat ..........
Catholic hairdryer
In parochial school students are taught that lying is a sin.
However, Instructions also advised that using a bit of imagination was OK to express the
Truth differently without lying.
Getting a Hairdryer through Customs.
So here is how that's done:
An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favor?'
'Of course child. What may I do for you?'
'Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday.
It is unopened but well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it.
Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Hide it under your Robes perhaps?'
'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie.'
'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go first. The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?'
'From the top of my head down to my waist I have nothing to declare.'
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?'
'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.'
Roaring with laughter, the official said, � Go ahead, Father.
Next please!'