New
#1671
A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring. He replies: 'I have a question to ask, but I don't want to offend you.'
She answers, ' My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.'
'Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.' She responds, 'Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you
have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic.'
The cab driver is very excited and says, 'Yes, I'm single and Catholic!'
'OK' the nun says. 'Pull into the next alley.' The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.
But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
'My dear child,' said the nun, 'Why are you crying?'
'Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess; I'm married and I'm Jewish.'
The Nun says, 'That's OK. My name is Steve and I am going to a Halloween party.
Long time since the last OSC(*) joke. Thanks Dennis, that's a good one :).
(*) OSC = On-Screen Coffee, result of laughing out loud while drinking coffee in front of the display
Bloke goes the the doctor and "Doc I keep thinking I am a pair of curtains"
Doc looks up at him say "Pull yourself together man!!"
Blessed are those that can give without remembering, and take without
forgetting.
One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked
about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you,
I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the
shop.
When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank
you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill ,
the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community
service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop.
The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you '
card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.
Then a Member of Congress came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay
his bill , the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm
doing community service this week.' The Member of Congress was very
happy and left the shop.
The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen
Members of Congress lined up waiting for a free haircut.
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An Apache goes to the medicineman. Medicineman I am confused, wigwam-teepee, wigwam-teepee, wigwam-teepee, can you help?
Medicineman say, brave warrior, you are two tents.