Jokes Thread [3]

The Howling Wolves · 11 Jan 2014

[QUOTE=Lady Fitzgerald;2654002]Curious how people forget that much of the mess Obama is having to deal with is a result of the previous administration.[/QUOTed

During the previous administration both the House and Senate was run by the Democrats.
He has a lot to deal with but refuses to deal with anything. IMHO

thudpucker · 11 Jan 2014

Yes, Obama spent his whole first term, blaming it all on Bush.
Now, in his second term, who's he gonna blame it on?

thudpucker · 11 Jan 2014

Who needs Congress? Obama is writing new laws.

A Guy · 11 Jan 2014

OK folks, let's get back on subject please.

Note

8) No discussions on religion, politics, or firearms.

A Guy

thudpucker · 11 Jan 2014

I agree! Thanks for jumping in here.

LADYPINKtomato1 · 12 Jan 2014

HONESTY

Job Interview:

Human Resources Manager: "What is your greatest weakness?"

Old Man: "Honesty."

Human Resources Manager: "I don't think honesty is a weakness."

Old Man: "I don't really give a shit what you think."

Phone Man · 13 Jan 2014

Saw the below on Facebook and it makes a lot of sense. DO NOT wash your hair in the shower!! It's so good to finally get a health warning that is useful!!! IT INVOLVES THE SHAMPOO WHEN IT RUNS DOWN YOUR BODY WHEN YOU SHOWER WITH IT. WARNING TO US ALL!!! Shampoo Warning! I don't know WHY I didn't figure this out sooner! I use shampoo in the shower! When I wash my hair, the shampoo runs down my whole body, and printed very clearly on the shampoo label is this warning, "FOR EXTRA BODY AND VOLUME." No wonder I have been gaining weight! Well! I got rid of that shampoo and I am going to start showering with Dawn Dishwashing Soap. It's label reads, "DISSOLVES FAT THAT IS OTHERWISE DIFFICULT TO REMOVE." Problem solved! If I don't answer the phone, I'll be in the shower!

Jim :)

LADYPINKtomato1 · 13 Jan 2014

JIM that's a gem you shared!!!... I may try the Dawn one on myself..

thudpucker · 14 Jan 2014

DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heardthe intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.
Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin.
Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small boxand cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.
The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorousdignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said:
'Glory be unto the Father, and unto the Son, and into the hole he goes.'
(I want this line used at my funeral!)

boohbah · 14 Jan 2014

The Howling Wolves said:

A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by an Irish cop. He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from LONDON and is certain that he has a better education then any Jock cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Irish cops expense!!

Irish cop says,"License and registration, please."

London Lawyer says, "What for?"

Irish cop says,"Ye didnae come to a complete stop at the stop sign."

London Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."

Irish cop says,"Ye still didnae come to a complete stop. License and registration, please"

London Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"

Irish cop says, "The difference is, ye huvte come to complete stop,that's the law. License and registration,please!"

London Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."

Irish cop says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir."

The London Lawyer exits his vehicle.

The Irish cop takes out his baton and starts beating the living sh*t out of the lawyer and says, "Daeye want me to stop, or just slow doon?"

that irish cop has a scots accent