King of the hill...[forum game]

I was out having a pleasant stroll through the forest, hoping to view the valley beyond when I noticed a rather large and sickly looking Spider blocking my path. As I drew closer, the spider curled the tip of one of it's legs in a beckoning gesture and said to me in a soft and weary voice "Don't go up the hill. There's a madman up there claiming to be a magical King and he's killing my family".

"There's a what?" I replied incredulously, but the spider had closed it's eyes for the final time. A magical king? This I had to see.

As I continued to ascend the hill, I could begin to hear a faint maniacal laughter that grew in intesity as I reached the peak. Once there, my first sight was of a naked man, painted head to toe in what looked like red house paint. He had his back to me and was laughing and mumbling sporadically amidst the carcasses of several spiders. Firmly gripped in his right hand was a pest control spray gun.

As I approached the man, he turned sharply and his eyes which shone with chemical induced madness bore into mine. "How dare you intrude upon my Kingdom?" he spat venomously. "I am King DeEmanon - wizard slayer of beasts and ruler of this hill. You have no business here!"

Startled by the naked painted mans ferocity and clearly deluded state, I took a step back. In the same venom laden voice he cried: "Mortal, before you too feel my wrath, I shall only ask you once more - How dare you intrude uponst my Kingdom?".

'Mortal? Kingdom? Wizard?' This guy was clearly out of his mind. "Ah, your majesty?" I queried in a placating tone, "Is it possible that your higness hath ingested too much magic while slaying the spider beasts? Your magical staff is quite toxic after all".

The mans face contorted even further with rage and screamed "Who are you to question your King and his almighty magic?" and with the spray gun outstretched he took a step closer. "You shall now feel the wrath!" he bellowed and advanced, spraying insecticide towards me. 'Enough of this crap' I thought and in a few brisk steps I closed on the King, tripped him and removed his spray gun, rendering both he and his 'magic' useless.

"I believe your highnesses reign has now come to an end. It's my hill now." I calmly informed him. "And while you're on the way back down the hill seeking medical attention for toxic poisoning, clean up the mess you made". I then turned and walked away from the man to view the valley I had originally wanted to see.

As I sat gazing at the valley below, I felt pity for the man. 'Poor bugger, off the deep end after inhaling too much insecticide' I murmured to myself. 'Going mad is never fun'. It's just as well I have these talking spiders around to help keep me sane...

smarteyeball said:

I was out having a pleasant stroll through the forest, hoping to view the valley beyond when I noticed a rather large and sickly looking Spider blocking my path. As I drew closer, the spider curled the tip of one of it's legs in a beckoning gesture and said to me in a soft and weary voice "Don't go up the hill. There's a madman up there claiming to be a magical King and he's killing my family".

"There's a what?" I replied incredulously, but the spider had closed it's eyes for the final time. A magical king? This I had to see.

As I continued to ascend the hill, I could begin to hear a faint maniacal laughter that grew in intesity as I reached the peak. Once there, my first sight was of a naked man, painted head to toe in what looked like red house paint. He had his back to me and was laughing and mumbling sporadically amidst the carcasses of several spiders. Firmly gripped in his right hand was a pest control spray gun.

As I approached the man, he turned sharply and his eyes which shone with chemical induced madness bore into mine. "How dare you intrude upon my Kingdom?" he spat venomously. "I am King DeEmanon - wizard slayer of beasts and ruler of this hill. You have no business here!"

Startled by the naked painted mans ferocity and clearly deluded state, I took a step back. In the same venom laden voice he cried: "Mortal, before you too feel my wrath, I shall only ask you once more - How dare you intrude uponst my Kingdom?".

'Mortal? Kingdom? Wizard?' This guy was clearly out of his mind. "Ah, your majesty?" I queried in a placating tone, "Is it possible that your higness hath ingested too much magic while slaying the spider beasts? Your magical staff is quite toxic after all".

The mans face contorted even further with rage and screamed "Who are you to question your King and his almighty magic?" and with the spray gun outstretched he took a step closer. "You shall now feel the wrath!" he bellowed and advanced, spraying insecticide towards me. 'Enough of this crap' I thought and in a few brisk steps I closed on the King, tripped him and removed his spray gun, rendering both he and his 'magic' useless.

"I believe your highnesses reign has now come to an end. It's my hill now." I calmly informed him. "And while you're on the way back down the hill seeking medical attention for toxic poisoning, clean up the mess you made". I then turned and walked away from the man to view the valley I had originally wanted to see.

As I sat gazing at the valley below, I felt pity for the man. 'Poor bugger, off the deep end after inhaling too much insecticide' I murmured to myself. 'Going mad is never fun'. It's just as well I have these talking spiders around to help keep me sane...

Check and mate.

You win.

A Recon fly-by had reported civilian activity in the north. I was just about to get out of my hazmat suit after cleanup detail from those broken nukes when the call came in.

I said I'd take it, anything would be better than this radioactive dump. So as it was cold, I just grabbed my MP5 didn't bother to change.

After a few hours walk the sun started to dip behind the peak of the mountain I was climbing, the weeping willows that dotted the mountainside cast long drawn out shadows towards me. When I noticed a man curled up beneath one, I ran over to check his pulse but there was no point in making haste. He was already cold, the man looked sick like he'd wandered through the waste site unprotected.

I got on the wave to base camp and called for backup and a stretcher. This is a restricted area and he should be here. Seeing smoke at the summit I proceeded to investigate. Near the summit there was a ledge and what appeared to be a man sitting. I ventured closer and heard him speaking to someone, Looking through the scope of my MP5 I couldn't see anyone else so I ventured closer. Hearing him clearly now "So whats it like being a spider" although it appeared in the dwindling light that he was talking to the weeping willow next to him.

"Identify yourself" I called, but the man startled, turned quickly and slipped off the ledge, as he tumbled through the air I saw one of his eye's was glowing in the dark, almost like it was back-lit. In amazement I proclaimed "Thats onesmarteyeball" and then heard the crunch of him landing and rolling down the hill.

Assuming the fire at the top belonged to the guy with the smarteyeball, I took hold between the tree's waiting for back up.

I woke up startled. "I can't move! And I'm freezing" my mind screamed. I was paralyzed. And cold. Oh so cold. Beneath the fear, I began to notice dull pains that emanated from what felt like every fibre of my being. "Where the hell am I and how the hell did I get here?" I wondered alarmed.

"The hill!" I exclaimed to myself as recollection came rushing back. "I'd grappled with DeEmanon, was then on a hill talking to a silent spider when a ghostly apparition appeared from nowhere, called out to me and then I fell". I remembered tumbling for a few seconds; my last image before losing conciousness was that of the apparitions silhouette atop the hill.

My left eye snapped opened and was met with an opaque view of what appeared to be the bottom of the valley. Diffuse sunlight refracted off the surroundings creating a wondrous kaleidoscope of colours that shimmered and glinted in what I took to be the morning sun. "Ice" I suddenly thought, "I'm trapped in ice. No wonder I'm freezing, sore and can't bloody move. Wizard kings, talking spiders, ghostly apparitions and now ice. So much for a simple stroll" I mused sourly.

As my eye slowly adjusted and compensated for the nubilous nature of the ice, I was able to make out more and more solid shapes amidst the sparkling surrounds. I could make out what appeared to be small rocks, tress and a patch of grass covered in a white blanket. Then my heart skipped a beat - in my periphery, several feet away to my left was 'The Apparition'. It too looked immobilized.

I strained my sight further and discovered that the 'apparition' looked more like a man in some sort of suit than a ghost. My mind clicked "It's a hazmat suit" The apparition was merely a man in hazmat suit. Was it DeEmanon who had returned? It didn't seem to fit. If he'd worn that suit to start with, I wouldn't be in this damn mess now. No, Mr. hazamt had to be someone else. A rescuer perhaps? "Some rescue" I snorted aloud, the snort muffled by the ice adding to the aptness of the sentiment. However, where there's one man in a hazmat suit, there's bound to be more where he came from. Wheter or not they were friendly, I had no way to tell. All I could do was wait.


As the suns intensity grew and the ices opacity started to slowly abate, I closed my eye and resigned my self to waiting. I wanted back up that hill. A man gone mad and a man in a hazmat suit I could grasp - talking spiders I could not. Rationally I knew that I must have ingested some of the insecticide myself; yet I could not shake the disquieting feeling that the spider that warned me was for real. Whoever is up there now better not get to used to the idea of staying. There was something about that hill and no matter how long it takes, I will return to discover it's secret.

The sensation of mist upon my face awoke me from my slumber. As the fading remnants of a deep sleep waned, my awareness returned and I found myself on top of the hill. A gentle summer rain was what awoke me. I rose, stretched and looked around at my surroundings. No spiders, no men in suits and no ice. Nothing. "That was one hell of a dream" I uttered quietly to myself. "I must have been tired from the stroll".

Being in no rush to go anywhere, I sat on a nearby boulder and considered what to do next. After a few minutes of deliberating, I decided to stay on the hill. I was the only one there and for some unknown reason, I felt an affinity with this place. Almost as if it was part of me.

Several hours passed when I heard sounds coming from down the valley. Branches rustling, twigs snapping and loose pebbles clattering against larger stones. I rushed to edge and peered down. Amongst the trees and rocks, I thought I saw darting movements; but in the shadowy light I couldn't be sure. "Well" I exclaimed to myself, "whatever it is, it's welcome to come and have a go at taking my place here". Affinity or not, I welcomed some form of excitement.

"Pant, pant, pant. Fell running sure is good for the soul" I thought as I jumped and hopped across some loose scree and boulders. I was in prime condition, easily hurdling over broken twigs in my ascent up this hill. Rumour had it that strange creatures had been sited here recently. Strange creatures I wasn't sure about, but lots of dead spiders, and plastic clothes wrappers there were. And bugger me if those weren't spent MP5 shell casings scattered amongst the rocks. Suddenly from above, a maniacal-looking persom jumped out from behind a tree, foaming at the mouth and holding his hand up as if warning me of some impedning danger further up this hill.

He was odd indeed. Dressed in a kangaroo skin with something quite odd about his left eye. I can't quite place it, but he reminds me a cross between David Bowie and Mad Eye Moody from those Harry Potter movies. "Bloody oddball" I though to myself. He looked like he had a way with words. "St....st....stop!" he stammered.

"Doubleyouteeef" I exclaimed. "Out my way " I shouted as I crouched low and ran towards him. "I love the smell of napalm in the morning" I thought excitedly.