Jokes Thread [4]

jadinolf said:

Layback Bear said:

I haven't changed much in all my years. Ugly doesn't wear off with time.

I can attest to that.

So you've seen him then? :)

A Guy

jadinolf said:

Layback Bear said:

I haven't changed much in all my years. Ugly doesn't wear off with time.

I can attest to that.

Welcome to the club!

A Guy said:

jadinolf said:

Layback Bear said:

I haven't changed much in all my years. Ugly doesn't wear off with time.

I can attest to that.

So you've seen him then? :)

A Guy

No, Bill, I've seen me. Been forced to look at myself for 80+ years.

I can't wait till tomorrow...as I get better looking each day!

till I put on my glasses.
THW

A dog goes into a grocers with a basket in its mouth. In the basket is a shopping list and a purse. The grocer reads the list, puts the goods requested into the basket, takes some money from the purse and puts back the change. The dog then runs off home.

This happens every week for months and the grocer becomes extremely impressed by the animals intelligence and its dedication to its task. One day he decides to follow the animal home and see if its owner would be willing to sell it.

The dog eventually leads the grocer to a run-down house where it puts the basket on the doorstep and rings the door-bell with its nose. After a few seconds an old woman opens the door and starts hitting the dog with a stick.

‘Stop!’ shouts the grocer. ‘What are you doing? That’s the most intelligent dog I’ve ever seen in my life.’

‘Intelligent, my arse!’ shouts the old woman. ‘That’s the third time this week he’s forgotten his keys.’

A Guy

Love it!

If I was going to get a dog, I wouldn't choose a Labrador..
- have you seen how many of their owners go blind..?!!

If you've applied for a job and get a rejection letter from the prospective employer , just send them the following:

Code:

Dear [name of the person who signed the rejection letter],
 Thank you for your letter of [date of the rejection letter]. 
 After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable
 to accept your refusal to offer me [employment with your firm].
 This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually
 large number of rejection letters.

 With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impossible
 for me to accept all refusals.

 Despite [name of the company or agency that sent you this letter]'s outstanding
 qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that
 your rejection does not meet with my needs at this time.

 Therefore, I will initiate employment with your firm immediately
 following [graduation/job change, etc. -- get creative here].

 I look forward to working with you.
 
 Best of luck in rejecting future [candidates].
 Sincerely,
 [your name]

I wish I had this letter when I was out job hunting.

I showed them- haven't worked in 21 years.