Jokes Thread [4]

First ... Let me say I hope this is a joke... it’s all in the perspective of how men see things.

Through the Eyes of a Man.






A wife was curious when she found two old negatives in a drawer and had them made into prints.
She was pleasantly surprised to see that they were of her at a much younger, slimmer time,
taken many years ago on one of her first dates with her husband. When she showed him the photos,
his face lit up. "Wow, look at that!", he said with appreciation..

That’s my old Ford!".

Good Bye Daddy
keep in mind this is a joke

A Father put his 3 year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers, which ended by saying, "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless grandma, and good-bye Grandpa."

The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?"


The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."

The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence.


A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this, "God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma."The next day the grandmother died.

"Holy crap" thought the father, "this kid is in contact with the other side."


Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed, the dad heard her say, "God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy."

He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight, he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.

When he got home his wife said, "I've never seen you work so late. What's the matter?"

He said, "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."

She said, "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me.
This morning my golf pro dropped dead in the middle of my lesson!"

AND......

Silliest Work Questions Ever

I work in IT. A customer asked 
me if a string of numbers I’d read off was upper- or lowercase.

Someone once asked, “Is this the museum?” I work at a pool.

A few of the things customers 
have asked for at our art-supply 
store include disco balls, trees, and crucifixion wood.

I’m a butcher. A woman asked 
if she could sleep in our freezer to test out a heavy-duty sleeping bag before a trip to the Himalayas.

Yes , those are crazy day questions , they also happen on Saturdays, so be careful out there today..

If I had to choose between upper or lower case numbers I would choose yes.

Great Day starter.... If YOU have the time.. this takes almost 11 minutes..
You will laugh your head off, or I did.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/-u6XXO..._embeddedGREAT

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguinson the ice in Antarctica ?
Where dothey go?


Wonder no more ! ! !
It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualisticbird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.The penguin is very committedto its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.



If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.


The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:




"Freeze a jolly good fellow."
"Freeze a jolly good fellow."

Just got back from an Alaskan cruise and they were having a lifeboat drill. They had 3 lifeboats in the water doing training.
The captain came on the load speaker and said "This is the captain and the drill is over, all boats return to ship"
Two of the boats returned but one remained away from the ship.
The captain again said "This is the captain, the drill is over, boat number 9 return to the ship"
Still no response from the lifeboat.
The captain got angry and said " This is the captain, boat 9 return to the ship immediately"
The first mate turn to the captain and told him we have no lifeboat 9.
The captain then said "This is the captain, boat 6 are you in trouble?"

Jim

@ phoneman.. lol.. hahahahaha