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Windows 7: Post a picture of you

26 Aug 2014   #941


Andrew, as a semi-professional husband (happily 4 times divorced), I can tell you the secret of a successful marriage:

The key is that both husband and wife keep the conversation channels open all the time. Both should constantly keep telling about their plans, hopes, wishes and dreams, and then agree to do what the wife says. The wife then informs you about why your plans, hopes, wishes and dreams are wrong. This way you'll learn every day something new about yourself, learn to know how wrong you have been and how miserable you would be without her telling you what's right, what to do, how to do, when to do.

Some time between year 5 and 7 into the marriage you should have learned the correct way to discuss with her. Some pointers:

She will never ask your opinion because she wants to know it, she only asks it to get her opinion confirmed. This can be a bit tricky because the question often comes before you've had a change to hear her opinion. In these cases carefully try to find out the correct answer.

An example: She asks suddenly "Would you like to visit my parents this weekend?". Both "Yes, I would like it" and "No, I would not like it" are ATM wrong answers because you have yet no idea about what she wants (= the correct answer). You have to be careful now, find a question or two to find out the correct answer. You could for instance try something like this: "When was it now we have seen them last time?", which if you had any luck could produce the correct answer: "Yes, I was also thinking that we have not seen them in such a long time it would be nice to go there now".

Now you know. The correct answer is in this case "But of course I would like to go, my dear!".

The above is just an example, although based on real life events...

Another thing is to learn an answer pattern which keeps her happy. In couple of my last marriages this worked quite well:

Make a list of 6 to 8 short answers, practice it so that you can keep a conversation going. My list was this:
  1. Yes
  2. Of course, my dear
  3. Yes
  4. Interesting
  5. Did she?
  6. No, that's OK
  7. Yes
Let her talk (anyway, you are not supposed to voice independent ideas or arguments). Now in every 20 to 40 seconds say the next item from your list, again wait 20 to 40 seconds and say the next item and so on. Using this my list as an example, I would let her start speaking then after about half a minute I would say "Yes", again after some half a minute I would say "Of course, my dear" and so on. After some practicing you can do this subconsciously, without thinking, so you can read or watch TV or surf the net, let her talk and in semi-regular intervals give her the feedback she is expecting to hear. As she is not really listening you it is irrelevant what you say, any short answer is OK.

My System SpecsSystem Spec
26 Aug 2014   #942
Microsoft MVP

Windows 7 Ult. x64

Most excellent and correct advice Kari. I would like to add some further advice : all women marry men they hope will change, and all men marry women they hope will not. Both will be sorely disappointed (with apologies to Bernard Samson in London Match, by Len Deighton).
My System SpecsSystem Spec
26 Aug 2014   #943

Desk1 7 Home Prem / Desk2 10 Pro / Main lap Asus ROG 10 Pro 2 laptop Toshiba 7 Pro Asus P2520 7 & 10

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by andrew129260 View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by HarriePateman View Post
Thank you for all the advice guys!
You lucky dog lol.

I'm getting married as well soon :) To (imho) the most beautiful girl in the world.

I don't like posting pics online, so I won't do so.

But I wish you luck.

I found the best advice I have ever been given, was to sit down for a week or (month lol) and go over every possible situation you two could face together. You cannot prepare for everything, but its good and shares light on how people would act in different situations. The real test: Living together.

Who is going to do what chores? etc. Seriously, there is a lot of things you will not think about or could prepare for. But the more you talk things out, and think of situations it will really help.

It has for us. Haven't had a fight since. 6+ years.

And this is also random, but look into love languages. They say everyone has different ways of feeling loved. It is a very good idea to learn what makes your spouse feel loved.
Yep well Andrew if you want my 2 cents worth it doesn't matter about looks it is what is behind the looks that matters. One only has to look at some of the celebrity rot that goes on and it speaks reams about what I mean.
You have got it right re sharing but after 38 years of (ex) marriage and some other partners since and now having what I consider to be the almost perfect balance of personalities - sharing is not about anything and about everything.
By that I mean that in heterosexual relationships because that is all I know there are things that women are hardwired to do certain things and the same for men and it takes some time for that sharing to work itself out. I think one of the real tests is when one or the other is ill or one falls on hard times that is when ones true self is revealed.
If you want a tip then read a book called "Men are from Mars Women are from Venus" it is in my mind a must for anyone especially the younger people to read as it will give the reader an excellent base for what is to come.
My ex and I lived together for 4 years before we got married and it set the term s for the life we had afterwards. So yes there is no substitute for living together and I feel sorry for those who do not and it all ends in grief a few years later.
Having said that my marriage ended in us parting but it was an amicable situation and I blame our careers in the most part for it even happening but at least we are now both happy again. My current partner Lynne is far more in sync with me than any woman else has ever been and she feels the same way about me and I cannot foresee us ever parting, and at my age I cannot see there is enough time to anyway LOL!!.
Lastly though I must ay one part of any relationship is children and although we could only have one child I was blessed with the most wonderful son and now man that anyone could possibly wish for and me ex and I are and always have been so proud of him. Yes we had our hard times with him but you will find that out in dues course as will Harry.
My sincere best wishes for you and your partner and Harry for the future.
My System SpecsSystem Spec

26 Aug 2014   #944
Layback Bear

Windows 10 Pro. 64/ version 1709 Windows 7 Pro/64

It's all about riding in the car.

Before you get married the whole family just rides in the car. But when you get married you make sure your wife is in the front seat and the rest of both of your families get the back seat.

Your wife or husband is number 1 in your life now, not the family you were raised with.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
26 Aug 2014   #945
Joan Archer

Windows 10 64bit/Windows 10 64bit/Windows 10 64bit

Make sure to keep laughter in your lives, if you share things and can make each other laugh you can't go far wrong. Don't forget either side can be wrong sometimes and if you can accept that and move on without making it into a major argument you will come through most things.:)
My System SpecsSystem Spec
26 Aug 2014   #946

Windows 10 Pro

kari. That was awesome. And john I didn't try to say looks were everything, quite the opposite.

I got a good one, I promise you all. Believe me I have met women like that, and I stay very far away. She and I do talk about everything, and I mean everything. There is no one side wears the pants or anything like that. We both respect our opinions and always find ways to work things out.

Thanks for the encouragement :)
My System SpecsSystem Spec
10 Oct 2014   #947

Windows® 8 Pro (64-bit)

Bumping this thread as we have couple of new members and also the existing ones growing older

Just sitting idle at home :)
Post a picture of you-my-pic-2.jpg

My System SpecsSystem Spec
10 Oct 2014   #948


... with twitching eyes :).
My System SpecsSystem Spec
10 Oct 2014   #949

Win 7 Pro x64, Win 10 Pro x64, Linux Light x86

Its winking at the ladys I think
My System SpecsSystem Spec
10 Oct 2014   #950

Windows® 8 Pro (64-bit)

My System SpecsSystem Spec

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