Jokes Thread 2

A couple of one-liners from the late, great Tommy Cooper:

I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another dressed as an egg. I thought: “This could be interesting.”

I was walking down the road the other day and saw an advert in the window that said Television for Sale - £1 – Volume Stuck on Full. I thought: “I can’t turn that down.”

Quasimodo fell out of the church belfry and lay in a crumpled heap on the ground. "Does anyone know this man?" asked a police officer. "Dunno," replied a bystander, "but his face rings a bell."

I do like that one.

A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included Admirals
from the U.S. , English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies.

At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large group of Officers that included personnel from most of those countries.

Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English.

He then asked, 'Why is it that we always have to speak English in these
conferences rather than speaking French?'

Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied, 'Maybe it's because the Brit's, Canadians, Aussie's and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German.'

JFK'S Secretary of State, Dean Rusk, was in France in the early 60's when DeGaulle decided to pull out of NATO.

DeGaulle said he wanted all US military out of France as soon as possible.

Rusk responded, "Does that include those who are buried here?"

DeGaulle did not respond.


You could have
heard a pin drop