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Windows 7: Jokes Thread 2

22 Jun 2011   #1541
LADYPINKtomato1

Windows 8 - 64-bit
 
 

Those of us who spend much time in a doctor's office should appreciate this.
Doesn't it seem more and more that physicians are running their practices like

an assembly line?
Shingles :
Here's what happened to Bubba. He walked into the doctor's office and the

receptionist asked him what he had. Bubba said: 'Shingles.' So she wrote down

his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat

Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Bubba what he had.
Bubba said, 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete

medical history and told Bubba to wait in the examining room.

A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba

said, 'Shingles.' so the nurse gave Bubba a blood test, a blood pressure test,

an electrocardiogram, and told Bubba to take off all his clothes and wait for

the doctor.

An hour later the doctor came in and found Bubba sitting patiently in the nude

and asked Bubba what he had.



Bubba said, 'Shingles.' The doctor asked, 'Where?'



Bubba said, 'Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload 'em?'
My System SpecsSystem Spec
23 Jun 2011   #1542
Neoseer88

Windows 7 Ultimate 64 bit
 
 

I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the local shopping center and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever Pup had fresh air.

She was stretched full-out on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there.

I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically, Now you stay. Do you hear me?

Stay! Stay!

The driver of a nearby car, a pretty blonde young lady, gave me a strange look and said, Why don't you just put it in PARK?
My System SpecsSystem Spec
23 Jun 2011   #1543
Neoseer88

Windows 7 Ultimate 64 bit
 
 

Telephone bill

At some day the telephone bill is extra high and Father calls the family together and said:

"A telephone bill cannot be that high! What are you doing? "I am not the one to blame" said Father. "Most of the time I make calls at work!"
Mother responds: "Yes, and I use the phone at work too. I am not the one to blame either."
The daughter says: "I am certainly not the one to blame, I always use the phone at my internship."
All their eyes are turning to the maid, that responds:

"Why are you looking at me, you also call from work, yes?"
My System SpecsSystem Spec
.

23 Jun 2011   #1544
Neoseer88

Windows 7 Ultimate 64 bit
 
 

Foot.

A drunk says to the bartender, "I want a woman!"
So, the bartender gives him directions to the local brothel.
The customer was so drunk, he misreads the directions and accidentally goes into the office of a foot doctor.
The receptionist at the counter asks, "Can I help you?"
"Yes, I want some service," states the drunk.
She sends him to one of the examination rooms and tells him to put it on the table.
The drunk goes in and places his manhood on the exam table.
When the doctor comes in, the startled podiatrist sees the man's member on the table and she says, "That's not a foot!"
The drunk replies, "Give it time, lady, give it time."
My System SpecsSystem Spec
23 Jun 2011   #1545
Neoseer88

Windows 7 Ultimate 64 bit
 
 

One last joke for today!

Little Johnny

Little Johnny went camping with the school.
One night Little Johnny was really scared sleeping by himself at camp, so he sprints out of his tent and runs to his teachers tent and asks "Miss can I please sleep with you tonight ?".
His teacher replies "NO"
Johnny moans and says "But my mummy lets me".
"OK then, just for tonight" the teacher replies.
Johnny jumps into bed with her and asks "Miss can I please play with your belly button with my finger".
She again says "NO".
"But my mummy lets me" says Johnny again.
"Well I suppose it's OK" replies the teacher.
Things are silent for a few minutes until the teacher leaps up screaming "THAT'S NOT MY BELLY BUTTON"
Little Johnny replies "I know, and it wasn't my finger".
My System SpecsSystem Spec
24 Jun 2011   #1546
pebbly

win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
 
 

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the
pearly gates.


"In honour of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each
possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He
flicked it on. It represents a candle, he said. You may pass through the
pearly gates Saint Peter said.


The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys.
He shook them and said, "They’re bells". Saint Peter said you may pass
through the pearly gates.


The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and
finally pulled out a pair of women’s panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just
what do those symbolize?"


The man replied, "They’re Carols".
My System SpecsSystem Spec
24 Jun 2011   #1547
Dwarf

Windows 8.1 Pro RTM x64
 
 



Good one, Carol Kathleen!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
24 Jun 2011   #1548
jfar

Vista Ult64, Win7600
 
 

Carols,hhh
My System SpecsSystem Spec
24 Jun 2011   #1549
The Howling Wolves

Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
 
 

If they are Carols(Kathleens) then many of us will enter through the pearly gates!!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
24 Jun 2011   #1550
Borg 386

Win 7 32 Home Premium, Win 7 64 Pro, Win 8.1, Win 10
 
 

The female dentist pulls out a numbing needle to give the man a shot.

"No way! No needles. I hate needles" the patient said.

The dentist starts to hook up the nitrous oxide and the man objects again.

"I can't do the gas thing. The thought of having the gas mask on suffocates me!"

The dentist then asks the patient if he has any objection to taking a pill.

"No objection," the patient says. "'I'm fine with pills."

The dentist steps out of the office and returns a moment later, "Here's a Viagra."

The patient says, "Wow! I didn't know Viagra worked as a painkiller!"

"It doesn't" said the dentist, "but it's going to give you something to hold on to when I pull your tooth."
My System SpecsSystem Spec
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