Jokes Thread 2


  1. Posts : 4,549
    Windows 8 - 64-bit
       #1541

    Those of us who spend much time in a doctor's office should appreciate this.
    Doesn't it seem more and more that physicians are running their practices like

    an assembly line?
    Shingles :
    Here's what happened to Bubba. He walked into the doctor's office and the

    receptionist asked him what he had. Bubba said: 'Shingles.' So she wrote down

    his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat

    Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Bubba what he had.
    Bubba said, 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete

    medical history and told Bubba to wait in the examining room.

    A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba

    said, 'Shingles.' so the nurse gave Bubba a blood test, a blood pressure test,

    an electrocardiogram, and told Bubba to take off all his clothes and wait for

    the doctor.

    An hour later the doctor came in and found Bubba sitting patiently in the nude

    and asked Bubba what he had.



    Bubba said, 'Shingles.' The doctor asked, 'Where?'



    Bubba said, 'Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload 'em?'
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  2. Posts : 132
    Windows 7 Ultimate 64 bit
       #1542

    I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the local shopping center and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever Pup had fresh air.

    She was stretched full-out on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there.

    I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically, Now you stay. Do you hear me?

    Stay! Stay!

    The driver of a nearby car, a pretty blonde young lady, gave me a strange look and said, Why don't you just put it in PARK?
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  3. Posts : 132
    Windows 7 Ultimate 64 bit
       #1543

    Telephone bill

    At some day the telephone bill is extra high and Father calls the family together and said:

    "A telephone bill cannot be that high! What are you doing? "I am not the one to blame" said Father. "Most of the time I make calls at work!"
    Mother responds: "Yes, and I use the phone at work too. I am not the one to blame either."
    The daughter says: "I am certainly not the one to blame, I always use the phone at my internship."
    All their eyes are turning to the maid, that responds:

    "Why are you looking at me, you also call from work, yes?"
      My Computer


  4. Posts : 132
    Windows 7 Ultimate 64 bit
       #1544

    Foot.

    A drunk says to the bartender, "I want a woman!"
    So, the bartender gives him directions to the local brothel.
    The customer was so drunk, he misreads the directions and accidentally goes into the office of a foot doctor.
    The receptionist at the counter asks, "Can I help you?"
    "Yes, I want some service," states the drunk.
    She sends him to one of the examination rooms and tells him to put it on the table.
    The drunk goes in and places his manhood on the exam table.
    When the doctor comes in, the startled podiatrist sees the man's member on the table and she says, "That's not a foot!"
    The drunk replies, "Give it time, lady, give it time."
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  5. Posts : 132
    Windows 7 Ultimate 64 bit
       #1545

    One last joke for today!

    Little Johnny

    Little Johnny went camping with the school.
    One night Little Johnny was really scared sleeping by himself at camp, so he sprints out of his tent and runs to his teachers tent and asks "Miss can I please sleep with you tonight ?".
    His teacher replies "NO"
    Johnny moans and says "But my mummy lets me".
    "OK then, just for tonight" the teacher replies.
    Johnny jumps into bed with her and asks "Miss can I please play with your belly button with my finger".
    She again says "NO".
    "But my mummy lets me" says Johnny again.
    "Well I suppose it's OK" replies the teacher.
    Things are silent for a few minutes until the teacher leaps up screaming "THAT'S NOT MY BELLY BUTTON"
    Little Johnny replies "I know, and it wasn't my finger".
      My Computer


  6. Posts : 6,244
    win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
       #1546

    Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the
    pearly gates.


    "In honour of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each
    possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

    The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He
    flicked it on. It represents a candle, he said. You may pass through the
    pearly gates Saint Peter said.


    The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys.
    He shook them and said, "They’re bells". Saint Peter said you may pass
    through the pearly gates.


    The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and
    finally pulled out a pair of women’s panties.
    St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just
    what do those symbolize?"


    The man replied, "They’re Carols".
      My Computer


  7. Posts : 9,582
    Windows 8.1 Pro RTM x64
       #1547



    Good one, Carol Kathleen!
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  8. Posts : 5,840
    Vista Ult64, Win7600
       #1548

    Carols,hhh
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  9. Posts : 9,537
    Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
       #1549

    If they are Carols(Kathleens) then many of us will enter through the pearly gates!!
      My Computer


  10. Posts : 7,781
    Win 7 32 Home Premium, Win 7 64 Pro, Win 8.1, Win 10
       #1550

    The female dentist pulls out a numbing needle to give the man a shot.

    "No way! No needles. I hate needles" the patient said.

    The dentist starts to hook up the nitrous oxide and the man objects again.

    "I can't do the gas thing. The thought of having the gas mask on suffocates me!"

    The dentist then asks the patient if he has any objection to taking a pill.

    "No objection," the patient says. "'I'm fine with pills."

    The dentist steps out of the office and returns a moment later, "Here's a Viagra."

    The patient says, "Wow! I didn't know Viagra worked as a painkiller!"

    "It doesn't" said the dentist, "but it's going to give you something to hold on to when I pull your tooth."
      My Computer


 

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