Jokes Thread

SOCIALISM You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the
other, and then throws the milk away...

AMERICAN CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to
produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

FRENCH CAPITALISM You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and
block the roads, because you want three cows.

JAPANESE CAPITALISM You have two cows. You redesign them so they are
one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it
worldwide.

GERMAN CAPITALISM You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for
100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

ITALIAN CAPITALISM You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

RUSSIAN CAPITALISM You have two cows. You count them and learn you have
five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and
open another bottle of vodka.

SWISS CAPITALISM You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge
the owners for storing them.

CHINESE CAPITALISM You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You
claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

INDIAN CAPITALISM You have two cows. You worship them.

BRITISH CAPITALISM You have two cows. Both are mad.

AUSTRALIAN CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You invite 200 mates over for a barbie.

MacQUARIE BANK CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company,
using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then
execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get
all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows and a management fee
stream for six cows. The milk rights of the seven cows are transferred via
an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority
shareholder who sells the rights to all eight cows back to your listed
company. The annual report says the company owns nine cows, with an option
on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States,
leaving you with ten cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The
public then buys your bull.

NEW ZEALAND CAPITALISM
You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica
lessons